Episode 13-Katherine, Transcript
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We were emergency placement so we would get a kids straight out of the home. Maybe the police did. A drug raid or CPS was called in. The first kid we got was found
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wandering around the streets at night.
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And now for the next episode of Letters from Home, sending encouragement to your doorstep by capturing the heartbeat of God’s people. One story at a time. Today’s guest is Catherine Mayer. In her story, you will hear her family’s journey to and through fostering and foster adoptions. It’s such a layered, an emotional road with many beautiful highs and many heart rending lows. As she shared, I was struck by her faith in God and her practical hope for her kids and belief in her kids. Catherine, thanks so much for coming over today. I am so excited to have you share
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your story. We’ve known each other for what 15 years, and I only was ever in one birthday group, and that is with you. And it’s super low key or once a year birthday time. And the only preschool play group I was ever in was with you and your kids and Judy Ann, who’s on another episode When I think of you, Catherine women that inspire me and do things that I just I wouldn’t have a strength for. I think of you. I always had you on my heart to have on a podcast because you’re an amazing woman. And you and Markieff fostered 29 kids. Yes, over the years, you haven’t been doing that for a while. But I know you’re just feel like an everyday person, but that’s kind of an extraordinary thing that God used you to do. And we can affect a lot of lives or however many I count it a blessing. So thanks for coming to share your story today. You’re welcome. You wanna tell me a little about your
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upbringing? Sure. I, um I was raised in a Christian
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family, and when I was young, I went to good News Club, which was in somebody’s home, where you learned Bible stories and memorize versus and I was six when I accepted the Lord And when I was eight, Um, we started at a new church, and that’s when I met my husband. He was nine.
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Really? Yeah. So I have known my husband 40 years, married almost 25 1 of my favorite versus
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is Jeremiah, 29 11 for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans to prosper and not Tarm. You plans to give you hope and a future. Mark and I have been much more prosperous than I ever imagined in one of my hopes. Growing up was to have a big house with lots of kids, and when we bought our house for my in laws, it had five bedrooms. And it’s not a big house, but it was big enough to have plenty of foster kids.
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My husband, I known each other since we were little. We
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had Amazing Youth group that we grew up in, but it was a big church, so I didn’t really get to know him well until after high school. We
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we’re friends for two years
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before we started dating and got engaged. March 31st in 94 engaged August 4th and got married May
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13. What did you like about Mark with him?
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He was the way describe it when back in our twenties was he was like a puppy dog. He was happy, enthusiastic. He lots of glue goals in life because we grew up in the same church. We had a lot of similar beliefs. He was one that was full of adventure and quite humorous. 66 And I’m 58 maybe 59 if I really struck action. He has a twin sister named Catherine and
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I’m Catherine, So he always jokes that while he made me because be easy to
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remember. So we got married May 13th of 95 before we got married, we have so many interview s separately
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and asked us a bunch of questions. Then they played the video at a shower, and one of the things I remember saying is that I always wanted a doctor, at least one kid. That was the start of a future journey of fostering and adopting.
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Cool. Yeah. And so in 2001 a woman
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from Bethany Christian Services came and spoke at our church about how kids were living in the DSHS office because there was no place for them to go. There wasn’t enough foster families, and at the time I was working a job where I work from 6 to 2 30 I thought, I’ll be off from work in time to get kids from grade school. And we were gonna take kids between the ages of 03 and like 10 because we thought we’d avoid diapers and hormones. And we were completely wrong about
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that s o we had We had a lot of learning in the first year for sure that year, Mark and I both got laid off from our jobs. I had
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been a job for almost seven years, and Mark was in the tech industry, and it was when things were kind of crashing. And
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so that was the perfect time to do all the classes that you need to dio Malins like over
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30 hours. I think of
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crosses while we’re unemployed. We took the classes,
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and that was in 2001. And 2002 was when we first
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took our first kit. And so and did you wanna say it on? If you don’t have to totally up to you. If you want to talk about if you were able to have kids or if that was part of your decision or if this was just your plan from
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the beginning, Yeah, we had gone through
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the testing to see if we could get pregnant cause we weren’t able to. I’m just the regular way. And, um,
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I got to the point where we
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had to make a decision. Where we going to do in Vitro? Did we want to do adoption? And
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at first I thought, Well, I didn’t want to go through all the hormone shots and all that, and at first we thought, We want to do domestic adoption. But once we had, we had done all the paperwork. We had even been interviewed by a couple of birth moms. But it’s kind of a high risk in the sense that the birth home often changes her mind. She might choose you and then decided to keep the baby. And then one of the birth moms, they interviewed us. We’re like we have been doing foster care for a while at that point, and we found that she was not really that much different than some of the birth moms of the foster kids. And foster adoption is free. It was
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another big deciding factor. Um, you have to pay a little for the attorney of the state, reimburses it. Plus we get a monthly stipend for the kids to help cover all their additional medical and counseling and therapy that they might need. Because foster kids are considered special needs kids because of the trauma that they have been through.
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That’s interesting. You get a phone call or
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how you say so you’re weighing, you’re ready? Yes, license through a private agency and they call us and say, Do you want to take a four year old kid? The police picked him up wandering around at night with his like eight year old sister. So they give us a little information. They don’t always have a lot, and often it’s on a Friday night that you get the call, and sometimes you have an hour to before. Either you pick up the child that DSHS or they the caseworker brings him to your door. The first kid we had was challenging. This is right around the Fourth of July. He it was often misbehaving unless he had this dog suit on. He put this dogs it on, and then he was a sweet, kind child, and I remember making a new tail for the dog suit. But then the rest of time he was like jumping off dressers. And Mark was unemployed at the time, and he took him to a vacation Bible school, a church, and he bit another kid. And so some of these kids were short term because then they found a family member that could take him. So I think the first child
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we only had for maybe a couple weeks and sometimes we did. Some of those 1st 11 were respite care for another foster family. Maybe they’re going out of town and needed someone to watch your kid for the weekend or a week. That first
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year we taken 11 11 different boys,
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and our Christmas letter was quite humorous because we went through so many things. Three surgeries in that very first year. We had a child that came to us and they said,
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Oh, he’s visually impaired. Well, he is completely
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blind. We he had he had had I cancer and when I have been removed and while we had him, the 2nd 1 had to be removed. We had a teenager that came to us with an injury and we didn’t know what it was, and I had to make an appointment for an M R I. And I said to him, Do
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you have any metal in your body? And he’s He said, no. And as soon as I hang up because, well, this dot right here, that’s a BB. So we had at the BB removed, and then we found out he had
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a torn meniscus, so we had to have surgery on that.
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How did insurance work?
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Yeah, so they all have state insurance. The tricky part is
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making sure that you go to a place that takes that. And
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so we Although most of those surgeries were done at Children’s Hospital. So you
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went from one kid to 11 kids in how big of a span. So but everyone and
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oh, my goodness, First year we had 11 kids, but not at the same time way often had. We were emergency placement, so we would get a kids straight out of the home. Maybe the police did a drug raid or CPS was called in. The first kid we got, uh, was found wandering around the streets at night, and I remember when did the kids showing up at 10 o’clock at night with a can of coke and a candy bar, and often they have limited clothing
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because it’s collected in a hurry. Often times it’s clothes that don’t even fit. And so we would often get a voucher to go buy them clothes.
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If you haven’t during the school year, do you bring him a school or what did they do for
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yeah? So we felt we had to find daycares that could take kids on a moments notice. In the beginning, Mark was
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not working, so he was like a state home dad. And he helped with the doctor’s appointments and the visitations with birth parents, and I was at work. But when he went back to work and school and I was working, we had to find daycare that could adjust in a moments notice. Remember our second or third year of foster care when we got Alex, we got her
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August 4th, so I registered her for school, and all a lot of the schools were full that were nearby. Well, she was, like 11 in the tiniest little thing, and they wanted her. They I wanted her to ride a bus from our house downtown, change buses and then go up to Capitol Hill and We’re like, what this tiny little child cannot do that. And we had bought school clothes for her. But then the school that they put us in was uniform school, so I had to go by uniform. But, um, and I worked downtown. So a couple times she rode the bus from Capitol Hill to downtown. And then we rode the bus home together. And sometimes I have the caseworker drive her. Unfortunately, after
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about a week and 1/2 they were able to get her into a local school, and that
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was not inform school. Of course, when Alex came, it was emergency place. Man
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can take this child for a week, and it was almost two years that she was with us. In fact, Alex has continued to stay in our life, and she’s 27 married and has, ah, two year old now.
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Wow. I remember Alex when we went to North Seattle Alliance together. Ah, sweet girl, 27. She’s
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Yeah, So it’s been great. A. There was a time when I felt like,
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oh, well, she ever appreciate us. Maybe when she’s 30 but it was just like a month later that she she had come from living with her mom. She went to live with her dad, and she decided she wanted to go toe continue at the youth group. So she would ride the bus to our house so she could go to Youth Group
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from West Seattle to look 30 minutes or something.
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At least
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at what age she was. A teenager does.
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She was a freshman by then. Yeah, and then we would drive her home. Then later on, we would We helped teach her how to dry. So later on, it would be like she would drive home in our car just for the practice of driving.
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And And she also cleaned my house for many years, like every other week. Part of that was just to connect. It’s been good we had We have a few teenagers that we’ve stayed in contact with, but right now, she’s the one that has been in our lives the most.
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Yeah, So John came to us. Um, he’s the oldest. Your list. Uh, and he I think he’s 34 now. He came to us a month before his 18th
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birthday. We were his 15th placement. I felt like it was a race against time to get him ready for the real world they have spent.
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And you work that much older
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No. 13.5 years older when he came to us and he had just transitioned into into a regular school.
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But in a specialized program at Sherwood for boys that had learning disabilities and anger issues Um, Maureen Satterberg was the creator of that program and she was an amazing woman. She was an advocate for him, for sure.
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So he is the one that came to us with the torn meniscus. And so in the first few months he was with us. We also had two other
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boys at the time that were, think, six and eight. In fact, the eight year old turned eight the same day John turned 18. And that eight year old had never had a birthday party before. And I put up balloons and they had cake. And he was so excited.
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Oh, yeah, So John, in the first few months he was with us. We had the BB removed. We fix the torn meniscus. We got his driver’s permit. We went into. We went in to get the permit. He passed the test,
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but he was still in a brace and crutches from the knee surgery. And they’re like, we’re
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not gonna
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give you permit with this knee brace on. So we
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came back a week later, left the brace in the car and got the permit and spent one whole summer. Um, every day after I
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got off work, practicing driving, that was fun. And he was at a second grade reading level when he came to us. So per his teacher’s recommendation, we got two books and and I’d read a page and he’d read a page, and it was amazing how fast he grew. Um,
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with the little attention,
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Yeah, with the attention. And we did incentives for grades. So he started getting the best grades ever. He got his driver’s license just before homecoming. We made him pay for his own insurance. So he waited till the last minute.
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Oh, and we got wisdom teeth pulled and braces put on also in that 1st 6 months. So it was crazy, for sure.
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And that was the year you had 11 different?
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Yeah, he was. He was in that first year of 11 different kids. All three of the
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teenagers we had long term were the first kids to graduate from high school of their family. That includes parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. And so
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that’s huge. That’s, um, John. We were able to keep him in foster care through 21 which now is more common. But
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we had to kind of fight for it at that time, and his teacher had kind of a work
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program set up for him. And that’s how he I learned to do the part. She helped
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him get into the apartment maintenance. She had a friend that did that, and it’s been a perfect job for him. He gets a discount for living there, and he’s learned a lot of skills, like changing out water heaters. Often departments have pools, so he checks the page levels. He does a lot of painting in the apartments, and he stopped the a cycle of of abuse of drugs.
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That’s so not easy when it’s yes, Hatter and Generation and families, right? Yes, multiple generations. Yeah, Catherine, what would you say is the hardest part of fostering?
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So Mark and I feel
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very strongly about trying to have a relationship with the birth parents. This is also one of the most difficult things in fostering. Part of that is there’s often jealousy on the part of the birth parent that somebody else is raising their child. And the first time I realized this was when John got his driver’s license, it was also during the time that he was he was going to school in another district, and so he had right a bus and then walk like a mile. And my brother is trying to sell his Jeep. So I sold some stocks and bought this cheap for him to drive to school, and little did I know. But that was a vehicle that his mother had always wanted. Oh, and that came out, um, an interesting way. It took me a little while to connect the dots. I went. I went to pick him up from Special Olympics bowling and Everett, and she was very angry and yelling at me, not about stuff I’d done, but about stuff other people have done. And then I think at one point, John said, you know, she always wanted to own a G, and then the the light bulb went on. Often there’s been We send kids on visits to see their parents once or twice a week, because the state does try toe, reunite them within the 1st 2 years of them coming out of the home.
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Are you doing this through an arbitrator?
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Yes. Usually there’s
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1/3 party that picks up the child and takes him to the visit, but we’ve done it all different ways. When Mark was unemployed, the little boy that was blind, his parents were here from out of State, and Mark orchestrated the visits.
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But usually
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it is done by 1/3 party.
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There’s a lot of criticism from the parents. Birth parents often ends. Sometimes it’s not really. It’s just based
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on jealousy, because they’re not able to do what they want to his
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apparent. And so what is it that you felt so strongly about to push through that toe? Have the relationship What? What is cause you to do that?
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Um, we were normally advised by caseworkers to do that so the child can have a smoother transition so the parent can kind
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of get to know us. They have court hearings every six months from on the cases, and I would often go to those to find out what’s really going on. First of all, because the caseworker can always tell you, but also to meet the parents and let them see you, cause
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I think the more they know you, the more comfortable they feel with the situation. Although it’s still an awkward situation. And
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in a case where if you’re hoping to adopt the child, it goes a lot smoother. If the parents had a chance to get you to know you during the time that the child’s in foster care
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so fostering, I’m guessing that the mindset of it is I’m here. Just gonna make try and help this kid’s life be better and the parents, because the idea it’s great ideal if they can get back to their parents brought me. And so you you’re trying to support and facilitate that for the child’s sake.
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Yeah, there’s a saying that says you have to love the child with open hands and not like clothes. Being this child is mine and going to keep this child that open in the sense that I’m going to love on this childlike their my own, knowing full well that they may go back to a parent or relative eventually took that. Jackson and
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Lives. Yes, let’s talk about maximum. So we adopted two kids, eventually about in the middle of our foster care adventure. And with Liz, we got a call on a Friday
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night, maybe four o’clock, and they it was the director and she says, Do
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you wanna three deal, baby? Probably a good
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chance of adoption because the parents had already had one child taken away. And I said,
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Can I call my husband? Can can we have a minute?
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And they’re like, make it quick, we want to go home.
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And at this point, we had already decided that we I wanted to do an adoption. I was still working full time, but we were licensed for an
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infant. So we had the car seat in the crib, but not much else.
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So I called Mark. He said Yes. Okay, and I’ll call them. So he called the director and the director said, Well, they have another family that wants the baby, and the caseworkers headed off to a wedding, so just wait for a call. So 10 oclock at night. The caseworker called us, and ironically, we found out later. That wedding that she went to was for a case worker we had previously had that we loved and adored anyway. 10 oclock at night. Yes, you can. You can foster this child. Meet me at ST
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Francis at nine o’clock tomorrow morning in ST Francis’s, 30 40 minutes away from where we lived. I forgot to ask, helping the childless.
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So Elizabeth was super
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tiny. She was about £5.6 ounces and I went to the store and got newborn diapers. Well, those were too big.
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So we brought. We went and got the baby. Let me back up a little. Alex and John were living with us at the time, and Alex said, I thought we were gonna go fridge aerator shopping tomorrow. And John’s response was Let me go get the car seat. He was about
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20 at that time. And I think Alex was 12 or 13. You can see different mentality based on
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age. I think so. He went and got lose right from the hospital. She was born December 20
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8th 2005 We picked her up on the 31st and she had visitations with her parents until about Mother’s Day May. And then they started termination and we were able to adopt her when she was 15 months old. So that
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I remember you because he and a lighter, so close
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CEO let’s apart.
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And he’s now 5 11 3/4 in £190. And she
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is. She’s who has always
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been like twice her size, like he was born with the mustache and she was born the tiniest, sweetest little face with the biggest, brightest blue eyes you’ve ever seen. A little child.
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That’s where we read. Yeah, and she’s now like four foot seven. And on a good day, maybe £70. That’s
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okay. Are eight Gator so he’s like, almost three times
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site, right? Oh, um, we’re actually
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going to the endocrinologist this week to see what we can do about boosting her hyped up.
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So he does have
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fetal alcohol. That was later on. We got her diagnosed when she was in second or third grade, and that was about a year and 1/2 process and more paperwork, I think. Then the paper pleaded to a doctor. I’m thankful that we got her diagnosed through you Dhiab and they also confirmed some other diagnosis is that I felt she had,
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like a D D
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and sensory processing disorder and some of her learning disabilities. And her anxiety was just reading through some of the symptoms of fetal alcohol this morning and like that, that explain, that’s a reminder of yes, this is normal for a damaged brain,
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right? And that’s how she came to you. Sweet And I know she’s a great kid and you guys have come over multiple times of scenery. She’s a wonderful girl, and fine, I just know that was one of those extra challenges in a lot of the kids. A lot of the kids come because you know, the parents not making great choices while they’re pregnant. Teoh. Yeah, so that the little ones you’ve had over the years have had a lot more. I just remember you talking about this a lot of thinking. Wow. Katherine’s dealing with so much. He’s going to all these doctors appointments because it takes a while for the kids to come off of addiction and whether it was a live with or other kids that you had, you know, there was a whole process with that too, right?
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Yes, there’s in the first year
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we helped get one of the kids diagnosed with a D D and get medicated, and the their teacher was quite thankful for that. And there’s lots of extra counseling. And yes, there’s a lot of extras.
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And then one cool
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thing about Foster to adopt is I wanted a
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boy. If I If I adopted a girl,
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I then wanted a boy and and when Liz was about a year and a
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half, I think I put word out that I was interested in a little boy, and I thought it might take
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a while. I was thinking it might take months, but a case worker that we knew said,
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Oh, I’ve got a six month old boy.
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The needs to transition The foster family only want tohave him temporary, and the moms had a setback. And so it was September 14th. I know cause that’s my parents anniversary 2007 that Jackson came to live with us. We didn’t get to adopt him till almost he was almost to his birthday is in February, and he was adopted in the December Before that, his mom had visitations for a while, but then got pregnant again, and the judge kind of laid it out for her what she needed to do, and she relinquished. But then Dad disappeared and the dad’s gone, or nowhere to be found. They publish in this obscure newspaper looking for father of child born at this time, and they were getting ready to do that when the birth mom, who I had a relationship with at that time, said,
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Oh, birth Dad is in jail and Kent So I called the caseworker
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and she rushed down there and had him sign paperwork. He did not do any of the work needed to try and get Jackson back because he was in either jail or prison. Most of the time, Jackson was imposter care. Later, we had one of Jackson’s full siblings and thought we were going to be able to adopt as well on this is when Jackson was four and this was five and Trade came and lived with us. He was born addicted to meth. Um, so was Jackson. But
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God had another plan, and it was It was really hard, but God gave me this verse. Matthew, 5 43 to 48 you have heard what ISS said. Love your neighbor
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and hate your enemy. But I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. That you may be sons of the father in heaven. He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous in the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward do you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brother, what are you doing? Mawr than others do even as pagans do that be perfect. Therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.
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That was the verse I came across, letting
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me know that we weren’t going to be about adopt Trey and his father, even though he had a very long rap sheet. Got custody. He married and got custody. And that worked out for a little while. Trays had a rough road.
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We’ve had him in and out of our home several
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times and he is now in foster care again. Yeah. Um so things don’t always go as you. I hope that they go. And the last time Trey went into Foster care. We
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wish we could have taken him,
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but we were having a really hard time with our two. They were struggling. We had a really rough year last year, parenting. But the one hopeful thing I thought of is, sometimes it takes your child getting into significant trouble in order to get the help that they need. One of my kids, I had tried to get them diagnosed with a D D and get the counseling we needed for several years. And it wasn’t until major crisis happened that we then got what we needed. It
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was a rough year last year, but I think it’s a new the new beginning this
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year, and I feel like it’s a year to be stretched and growing. The
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day of the anniversary of our crisis last year, a
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counselor it emailed me and said, Can you reach out to this family? They’re going through something similar and I said, Oh boy, this is the anniversary of our situation. Can I do this? And I said, Okay, I’m going to do this And so we’ve been texting for the last couple weeks, and I’d like to think that that’s been helpful and we’re in a
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few support groups that also helped. That’s other thing I recommend. If you have a foster kid, if you’re going into foster care,
spk_1: 32:40
get into false parents support group. Mark and I ran one for seven years. There was training. There was dinner. There was child care. And to be around people that are in the same boat as you is a relief and she can get tips and advice,
spk_3: 33:00
right? Of course. All I see now is your sweet family pictures on Facebook and all the great things you guys do together celebrations. And, you know, I don’t think life is it’s not too easy for most people, and it sounds like a lot of things that you’re facing. It’s just the trunk of it stems from their DNA. And I’m sure it’s a little frustrating for the kids to their great kids and if their bodies bothering them or their minds bothering them because things are a little bit off. I mean, yeah, it’s not an easy road is not like, you know, the fairytale. Oh, the start drops a baby and everything’s perfect, right?
spk_0: 33:42
Right. I did mention to somebody the other day for me personally. One of the support groups were
spk_1: 33:48
in. A lot of the parents have guilt for the things that their Children have done. I feel like I have a little less guilt because I don’t have the DNA factor. And I knew going in that the road would be challenging because of the family history and the exposure to drugs. I knew to expect anything and not knowing. Like, right now my kids are in junior high, and I knew that road would be rough. I just didn’t know what it was gonna
spk_3: 34:22
look like. You’re a part of
spk_0: 34:24
their 14 months apart. E got one in seventh grade and one in eighth grade, and every day is
spk_1: 34:31
a challenge for sure. But it’s just reminding myself of how best can I help them to be the best that they can be, but not setting the bar too high?
spk_3: 34:44
What got you through last year, You and Mark, and what’s getting you through your heart patches?
spk_0: 34:50
Um, well, two things Help me. Last
spk_1: 34:54
year, one waas, a support group of people who Children, made the similar mistakes. We meet once a week for an hour and 1/2 and then I’m also in ah, church group of women who have some kind of emotional pain in their lives and finding hope in that.
spk_3: 35:19
What is that support group?
spk_0: 35:20
The support group is do Bethany
spk_1: 35:22
North Church, and it’s called Finding Real Hope for Women.
spk_3: 35:27
Wow. What a great ministry. Yeah, How? I bet other people listening you’re gonna think, Hey, who We need one of those that are church.
spk_1: 35:35
Yeah. Yeah. And the leader has had some rough roads. So she understands. And I have also have a friend who has adopted kids not to foster care but foreign adoption and has had her kids are a little older and she’s had a real rough road. I have somebody that I can talk to that understands.
spk_0: 36:01
I had a woman call
spk_1: 36:03
me one day. I didn’t know her and she said,
spk_0: 36:07
Hey, we have a mutual friend and this mutual friend and I have decided that you need to take this 12 year old girl and the reason
spk_1: 36:16
I need to takers because Rachel taken into the brothers and this was a family that had 15 kids. The mother had 15 kids in 18 years, and so
spk_0: 36:30
another my kids was, Yeah, So one of the reasons these two friends
spk_1: 36:36
thought that I should take Julianne is because I have taken in teenagers before.
spk_0: 36:43
So right when Jax was
spk_1: 36:45
turning one, Elizabeth would have Intuit. That time Julie came to live with us, and shortly after that, Rachel took in another sibling, and Julie lived with us for about a year and 1/2. We at
spk_0: 36:59
one point thought we would adopt her,
spk_1: 37:01
but she I decided that was not what she wanted. But we still often on have had contact with her. And she’s doing quite well right now,
spk_0: 37:12
you know,
spk_1: 37:13
and I keeping contact also to Rachel. But it’s Rachel. I have that common bond of having kids adopted out of foster care. But
spk_0: 37:23
Julie the foster, the siblings that were in foster
spk_1: 37:26
care, which at the time there was about 10 siblings and foster care in about, I think, six or seven homes we tried for
spk_0: 37:37
maybe a year or so to all get
spk_1: 37:39
together all the foster parents just on our own, so that the siblings could have time together. So we often went toe our church or somebody else’s church, cause a lot of these foster families had also biological kids or other foster kids. So when you got the whole group together,
spk_0: 37:58
is about 50 people on? Um, I remember I was thankful that Julie’s
spk_1: 38:03
birthday was during the summer, because one time we had it at car Keep Park, and it worked out well, cause there’s it’s just such a big group. But some of those people were just amazing. It was great experience to be able to do that, to get the kids together and
spk_0: 38:21
in the state does try to do that as well.
spk_1: 38:24
But sometimes it’s just nice to have a bigger space than the state is able to provide, and maybe a little less stress and regulation in that. And then the whole, their whole foster family could be
spk_3: 38:38
there. Do you have any pointers as faras making Working with this stadium with your case workers?
spk_0: 38:46
I always felt like there’s the rules. And then there’s the unspoken rules the caseworkers air overloaded and often if you’re trying to get a hold of a caseworker, if it’s not, it’s not on fire. It may not be addressed way, say, um, so just taking that into consideration of the case workers visit us once a
spk_1: 39:17
month. And because we were licensed through the a private agency, we would have the state caseworker, the private agency and then the child usually had an advocate as well that all visitors once a month. But as far as advice with the caseworkers is to not overload them or fine about minuscule things. I’ve seen cases where foster parents were extra whiny. And then the caseworker ended up moving the
spk_0: 39:45
child home. And there’s good, bad
spk_1: 39:49
and ugly caseworkers as well. So we’ve headwinds we’ve loved and ones that have been challenging
spk_3: 39:56
to work with. Kate gets assigned one caseworker.
spk_0: 39:58
Yes. Okay. Yes. And if there, if you have siblings
spk_1: 40:02
than they would have the same caseworker, Um,
spk_3: 40:07
and do they ever switch their caseworkers to? Sometimes
spk_0: 40:09
you have multiple case. Yes. In fact, one time they took away this great caseworkers, so we had, like, a month of virtually no caseworker. Technically, we did, but not somebody that was available
spk_1: 40:21
because they were in training or that makes it extra extra heart.
spk_0: 40:25
So my advice is, if you’re brand new to the
spk_1: 40:28
system to get licensed through a private agency because then you get that extra extra help extra attention, you have an extra person. You can ask questions, too, if you’re familiar than getting licensed through the state is the way to go because it’s simpler. Sometimes you can get paid better. And sometimes estate doesn’t always want to give to the Children to the agency because it’s just one more complication. Yeah, so
spk_3: 41:00
so would have been the best parts of But fostering,
spk_0: 41:04
I would say, seeing
spk_1: 41:06
the healing and growth of the Children. Julie, for example. I think she gains like four inches in just a few months because we fed her and I’ve seen grades go from Blow, uh, or a 1.5 Teoh three point. Oh, just because the kids are getting the help they need there in a stable environment. And so seeing that growth and stabilization of the child is it’s pretty amazing. And when you mentioned, I think in the beginning that over the time frame, which was 11 years, we took in 29 different kids and some of those were just the weekend, and some of them, like John, was in our home for three years, active in foster care and then he was in and out of our home a little bit after that, as he was learning to be an adult. Our Children that we adopted kind of came about in the middle of that. We still take kids after them. So a couple things made us decide to retire, and one was often. It’s hard for Liz to see kids come and go, and somehow, when she would get mad at us, she’d be like,
spk_0: 42:29
Oh, I’m just gonna go find another family
spk_1: 42:32
because she see kids come for a little while and then go to another family. Um, but the the final straw was we had, ah, 10 year old who had asked to give our dog a bath, and I’m not exactly sure what happened. But the dog was killed by that 10 year old, and, um, 10 year old left the next day. And I’m thankful that my Children
spk_0: 43:00
were OK through all of that,
spk_1: 43:02
Um, but that was very, very hard on us, and I realized I needed to protect my kids who were fairly young. Jackson’s five list was six at that time. We continued to do the support group for several more years because it was therapeutic for Esa’s well, but And
spk_0: 43:22
that that child did.
spk_1: 43:24
Um, I think through that get a full psychological examination, and that’s another example of sometimes it takes a major incident to get the
spk_3: 43:33
help. You need just a lot of factors in their lives that you’re taking in, and hopefully that kids doing well today and was able to get the help that they need and appraisal word for your family. And and sometimes you do have to make that choice to say, I’m I just need to protect my family And that’s person, Why I thought I hadn’t wanna add more into my home because we have so many factors when I had eight kids and all the stuff going on. But there’s a lot of people out there who they’re able to do that. So appraisal work for that. Well, thank you, Catherine. And where you guys up today and what’s on the horizon for your family?
spk_0: 44:13
Well, I’m currently working as a gardener, landscaper
spk_1: 44:19
for shooting Star Gardens, marks working for King County. No, I think 12 years the kids were in junior high, and as I said before there, they’re going through that hard stage of hormones, and I still feel like we’re getting diagnosis and getting the help that they need.
spk_3: 44:41
Awesome. Um, I I have a first I wanted to share with you, James 1 27 in the n i. V. Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. And I just think in some way the Lord’s used your family to look after orphans, maybe even have have parents. So But just to kind of be a facilitator, it’s ah, really
spk_2: 45:14
were the ministry. And I think you sure thank you. Make here is your ps some extras about our guests? Are you ready for some questions? Sure. Any unique family tradition
spk_0: 45:31
in our town.
spk_1: 45:32
A lot of families go down town to see the lights and and all the festivities of downtown. There are family, writes the bus downtown. And
spk_0: 45:44
so I think that’s a little
spk_1: 45:45
uniquely often will ride the bus downtown and explore right the monorail. And, uh,
spk_0: 45:53
this year,
spk_1: 45:53
my kids didn’t want to ride the bus, but I’m like This
spk_0: 45:56
is a life skill, like they may be riding the bus as adults, and it’s good for them to learn how this system works. I know one
spk_3: 46:05
of your superpowers is gardening and landscaping, and when I get your episode already, I’m gonna post a couple of those. I love that one of you carrying a tire AB brand and stuff that I seen. What would Cem Bey Cem important gardening or landscaping tips?
spk_1: 46:25
Sure, this job that I’ve been doing for about five years now I’ve been stretched, and I’ve learned
spk_0: 46:31
a lot of stuff, and one of the things that
spk_1: 46:34
we often do is sheet mulching. And that’s taking an area or path and putting cardboard down to smother weeds or grass and then putting wood chips on the top, sometimes as a path. Sometimes it’s in a garden area. Could get would ship deliveries for free from the tree. Cos
spk_0: 46:58
oh yeah, chip chip drop delivery. I think it’s called anyway. You can sign up and how we showed
spk_3: 47:05
you before reading Playground in, because now we have weeks coming up in their big fat ones, and it’s like my put one of those things down not cardboard, though. Yeah, that’s a good tip. Yeah, because it’s a podcast. People can’t see you. Catherine is beautiful and feminine, and you don’t want to arm wrestle her. You’re so strong. What is your greatest guarding feet? I don’t know. I know. I’ve seen pictures of you and something about Holland. Two trucks of I don’t know, the
spk_0: 47:34
trying. I think one day I
spk_1: 47:36
moved something like, I don’t know, like, 20 some yards of soil.
spk_0: 47:42
I don’t remember how many it is, but medium size pickup
spk_1: 47:46
truck is a yard for those of you don’t know. And I often are shoveling into wheelbarrows and moving both gravel and dirt and rocks. The first winner I did a paper job with £90 papers
spk_0: 48:05
had to move them from the front of the house to the back. So this job has made me very strong.
spk_3: 48:12
I know your parents. I’ve met your sweet parents. And I know there are a huge part of your life out of your parents meant to you the
spk_1: 48:22
world. Lately, they have also been stretched through this foster care process and they have helped a time watching my kids and at times, even having my kids for extended periods of time. They’ve helped a ton. They were both teachers. So they understand Children.
spk_3: 48:46
Say something you love about Mark and each of your kids.
spk_0: 48:51
Okay? Who? Mark? He
spk_1: 48:53
is the most involved parent that I’ve ever known. He is very involved with school with sports. Um, if a teacher emails us, they may get a response from both Mark and I. He’s excellent with helping with homework as well, and he’s He sacrifices himself often, and I’m so thankful for him and Jackson. He’s super athletic. He is also my most
spk_0: 49:25
helpful kid, a little less now that he’s in junior high. But he’s even when he was two and Liz was three nights A kids, go get your shoes. And and Liz, it’s a Jackson. Go get mine and he would
spk_1: 49:38
run and get her shoes for her. And when we had babies in the home, Jax would run and get a diaper for me. So he’s my super helpful head on Liz. She is a great advocate for herself. She’s a great communicator. She
spk_0: 49:58
has done some sports,
spk_1: 49:59
but she’s a kid that likes to try something for a little while. and then move on to something else. She’s super social. She got to go to this Ocean Heroes camp last summer, which was kids from all over the world trying to solve the plastic in the oceans. Situation agree. And so that was. She made a good friend that lives in Tunisia, so she loves nature. Alex. She’s the one that’s 27 now. She works really hard to maintain our relationship. She’s positive. She’s really good mom on now that she has a little two year old and I enjoyed having her in our life a lot
spk_0: 50:43
done. Um, I haven’t seen him lately, but we talk every once in a while via Facebook. Messenger
spk_1: 50:51
and things I learned in parenting him are helping me now with Liz, who’s 14 now, and they’re so similar, and I really see through my life how customer service jobs help me with working with foster bio parents and the other foster kids. Help me with my kids. It’s been a step step, step process of learning.
spk_3: 51:15
Have you had any mentors in your life?
spk_1: 51:18
Yes, One of them is my friend Grace Nelson, who was a missionary in Africa for 40 years. and she’s been amazing friend and spiritual mentor,
spk_3: 51:32
and she’s 90 now.
spk_0: 51:33
She’s just turned 90 last July,
spk_1: 51:36
and she’s still still going strong, and I love her dearly. We kind of adopted her into our family because she never married or had kids, and
spk_3: 51:48
I interviewed her in another podcast episode. So if you go look in the list of episodes you can hear, Grace is amazing story. How can people best come alongside fostering families?
spk_1: 52:01
Those thinking well, meals wouldn’t hurt often or if they get a new kid. I had several families give me hand me downs from their kids because often you you don’t have the right clothes for the kids so that that could help um, and just praying for them.
spk_3: 52:20
What was not helpful.
spk_0: 52:22
There’s been a few times
spk_1: 52:23
when I’ve talked to people about foster care, and they weren’t they knew somebody in foster care and they felt like they knew everything and they weren’t in foster care themselves, but
spk_0: 52:36
just being sensitive. One time
spk_1: 52:38
I had a little girl in Sunday school, and the teacher was like,
spk_0: 52:43
Oh, your parents, this and your parents that I’m like, I’ve got a
spk_1: 52:47
kid in here that doesn’t really have parents right now and may never go back to them. So please be sensitive to what you’re saying in front of her, because that may
spk_3: 52:55
trigger some hurt feelings. What would you say to someone who is just starting out or thinking or praying about fostering?
spk_1: 53:04
Have an open mind. Think of it as an adventure. I always felt like foster care was Mawr. There’s more drama than any TV show on,
spk_0: 53:18
so just just be prepared for anything. Don’t be narrow minded.
spk_3: 53:24
Which character or person in the Bible do you most admire or relate to?
spk_0: 53:29
I sat and thought about that for a minute, and I think
spk_1: 53:32
Esther is the one that I like the best. She was emotionally strong woman who had to do some scary things to help her people. And I feel like as a foster mom, there’s been times that I’ve had to
spk_0: 53:50
do. Anything quite as extreme is Esther, where my life was on the line.
spk_2: 53:54
But I had to do some scary things to stand up for what was right for my kids. And so I really admired Esther. This wraps up another story of how our great God is at work in our hearts and in our world. To start a conversation about fostering foster adoption or to ask us any questions were available. Just email l F h podcast at gmail dot com. Second, Corinthians 33 and you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, right and not with ink, but with the spirit of the living god. No, on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts.