spk_0:   0:00
When I was younger, we didn’t have much food in the house because my dad was an alcoholic. Flute isn’t really a preference when you’re on alcohol, and so you learn how to either steal the food from the store or like I did, I would steal candy and sell it at school and go back to the grocery store toe by a sandwich.

spk_2:   0:20
And now for the next episode of letters from Home, sending encouragement to your doorstep by capturing the heartbeat of God’s people one story at a time. I have put the explicit tag on

spk_3:   0:31
this episode because of mature content.

spk_2:   0:36
Have you ever seen a girl wandering around the red light district or on the streets scantily clad and you know what she’s doing? And it breaks your heart and you just pray and you wonder where her parents what happened. Today’s guest started tracking tricks at age 12. Yes, age 12 and she shares with us how she got there. She also shares the hustle and encounters that led her to a safe house and ultimately into the arms of our loving god, the great healer who has done an incredible work of transformation here. is Tanya and her story. Tanya, thank you so much for letting me interview you today,

spk_3:   1:22
Tanya. You have one of the most special and hardest stories that in life of anyone that I know. And I’m so glad that our paths cross when you were a teenager and we have the house church, and we got to know you really well for a couple of years. And then we lost track of you forbid. I know you’ve had quite a crazy life, but also one where goddess So move. I’m just thankful that we get a chat. Where did it all start out for you, Tanya? So abandonment has

spk_0:   1:55
been a big thing in my life. Starting from when I was 1.5 My DS they just file says that it was November 29th in 1988 was the first time that I was on file. So I was only about two years old then. And, um, I don’t know all the nit and grit about the really, really early years, but it’s kind of, you know, he said, she said, my mom left when I was a year and 1/2 and then it was pretty much me and my dad. Mind you, My dad was 18 when my mom left.

spk_3:   2:29
So wow,

spk_0:   2:30
19 years old with a little girl all by himself. He was out of the house when he was about 14. So he didn’t really know much about raising a little girl. Yeah, he was just a kid himself. But he did the best. He could tryingto take care of me and stuff. And then his little sister, My any shell, she It was kind of like the mom in my life. And Gina taught me how to really actually, like, do my hair sit like a girl with a cross in my legs because I was full on tomboy, like, Sit there with the dress. What? Blake’s wide open

spk_3:   3:04
time Close your legs or, Tom, you stop wiping your hands on your

spk_0:   3:08
pants or, you know, like, but he thinks that you tell your kids not to do kind of things. Yeah, So she taught me all that kind of stuff. You know, the artsy fartsy You know how to bake and cook ins off. I bounced around between my any shell and my dad, and then I was in my first foster home when I was five for a few months and I got visitation with my dad, and then my dad got me back. We lived in a car here and there sometimes, and I think I think, you know, kids being kids, I think I’m not either told somebody at the stake here or at school about living in our car. And I think I think that’s how I got taken away. I’m not sure I have. I have all of the documentation from the first time I was in the system and it’s all on a flash drive because I requested it when I got out of jail this last time. Now that I’m a mom, I know how kids are. And I know that they can just totally slip up and tell on the other parents, you know, like,

spk_3:   4:10
oh, well, who gave you this? Right. So gave

spk_1:   4:15
me this. You know, you’re like, Okay, we’re gonna have a talk with it.

spk_0:   4:19
Least I was pretty much safe. I had food to a certain extent, rough times, but also knowing now that I’m older, you know, like what about the people in other countries? They might not have food or the best of shelter, but those Children are at their hit. They don’t let him out of their sight. And that doesn’t mean that they’re a bad parent just because they struggle with food or shelter. That’s what I’m trying to like. Get out in that sense is, you know, my dad did the best he could with what he knew and how everybody’s people. We have our own issues,

spk_3:   4:51
like I know what That the elementary school nearby, the schools in her bite. There’s several families that are homeless and some are living in cars. And so it’s It’s a hard thing. And I like what you’re saying, Tania, and not to judge people just because they’re down. And now you know, they’re probably trying to feed and provide for their families like your dad tried and he

spk_0:   5:11
did, thinking back on when I was little, there wasn’t a doubt in my daddy didn’t love. I didn’t question that. There was some times where I would say, Well, why does my daddy not like me? Not necessarily that did he not love me and so little fast forward. My dad had issues. My dad is an alcoholic. He got pretty bad. There was a point where he is drinking was so bad that he would black out, and I at one point took my which she’s now my step mom. But it was just his girlfriend at the time. I had took her pants out of when I was younger and we didn’t have much food in the house because my dad was an alcoholic. Flute isn’t really a preference when you’re on alcohol, and so you learn how to either steal the food from the store or like I did, I would steal candy and sell it at school and go back to the grocery store to buy a sandwich. Yeah, I just I guess God just gave me that hustle mentality. Sad thing is, is I had to learn how to do it the wrong way before I can be an adult now and do it the right way. But, well, I was going through a phase of the tomboy. I was 10 almost 11 and things were changing, and I was like she had really like girlie pants and I like I said, I was a full on Tom boy. It was like crying teeth to get me in really cute stuff. Yep, I would rather be in shorts, T shirts and Birkenstocks, and that was my wardrobe as a child. And so, you know, I liked her jeans and I tried them on. And, of course, being a tomboy got grass stains on him going and playing dodgeball, you know, in soccer, out in the field. Needless to say, I went to my friend’s house that that night and the my dad calls over there and said, Tony, Marie, get your BP people home right now And I was like, Oh, I’m in trouble And he didn’t even say one word besides get in the car. And then we got in the car and him and my step mom went in. The bar is called the cake, and I sat in the car for, like, five hours and we came out. I mean, I didn’t let fallen asleep, I think, and, ah, remember waking back up because the door opened and stuff. And then as soon as we got out the car, you know, when we got home, it was the normal Drop your pants, touch your toes kind of situation, you know, with getting a but weapon. Okay, I tried to lie about it knowing that I was in the wrong or what, stealing them for one and then lying about it. So, I mean, I knew I was gonna get a whipping. What? I mean by my dad blacking out, He blacked out really bad. And he with me with a belt. And the felt did not land on my rear end every single time. I can still visualize her sitting on the bed and the light shining through the door. And all the lights are off in the house except for my dad’s bedroom light and her yelling. Anthony stopped my dad just I think he just he just didn’t even realize that as time went on, I think that maybe bits and pieces were coming back to him, you know, like, didn’t really do this to my little girl kind of situation, you know, from his drinking got really bad. And of course, my attitude got worse. And, you know, I was a teenage girl, and then I found out later on, when I was about 24 The reason why I did this situation, that I’m gonna explain the happen is because my dad gave up his parental rights to me and gave them to my any show. And so he gave her custody of me. And so when that that paperwork process happened, my biological mother popular picture, then then that was when my attitude got worse and everything because I’m like, I had just turned two Well, and he was so confusing. I’m like, What is going on? Who? I mean, this lady just like pops up in the picture. And I only remember seeing her twice in my childhood once when I was five on my fifth birthday and then once when I was six on Christmas. And that’s all I remember. I remember my fifth birthday was my Tweety Bird birthday party. She showed up and I didn’t even know she was gonna be there. And I kind of like I didn’t even really know she waas. But I kind of did. And then when I was six, I remember I remember knowing who she waas. But when I was nine years old, she sent me a Valentine’s Day card, but I didn’t see her. And then all of a sudden, she pops up when I’m 12. And so I hadn’t seen her. And like I mean, if you do the calculator, that’s about 66 years being a teenager, you know, the girl change and all this stuff. And now my dad says you’re gonna go live with your any show, and I’m like, Okay, And so I go over there and then she doesn’t want me because my attitude is bad. So then I go back to the guts. But before I go back to Dad’s than my mom pops up in the picture and she’s doing this visitation here and there and like this is like confusing, you know, And so I’m like, Where do I belong? Nobody wants me. You know? I keep bouncing around back and forth, and then I go with my dad and my step mom or whatever. And one night, I woke up in the middle of the night and I opened up my bedroom door. You know, the TV’s on and, you know, as like the Greek greenish blue color in the background, you know, like reflecting off the walls or whatever. And that’s all I remember seeing was that and then the couch there, Of course. But when I opened the door, I watched black garbage bags going out the front door. And I was like,

spk_3:   10:35
What is going own sixth grade?

spk_0:   10:37
Yeah, I wasn since Great. Yeah, I was 12. I went to Lake Elementary and Kirk a Washington. I still remember my address is so crazy. Yeah, well, because Dad told me to not forget it and remember the phone number and everything, you know? And so anyways, he was. He came back through the front door and gave me a kiss on my forehead and said, Go back to bed, kiddo. Everything’s okay. That was, like, Okay, back to bed. Didn’t think anything of it. I just thought, you know, I was just like what? The world was moving out. What is he? That’s a big garbage bag. You know, I wake up the next morning. I mean, no big thing. I mean, to get ready for school. And my dad tells me no matter what you do, don’t come home today after school when I was like, Okay, He said, Call your any show after school and see you can stay the night Daddy told me to do that. So I did. When I did, I called any shells. She said no. It was too late of a notice. And so I was like, Okay, no, what I do. So I sat at the school, and so, like, it was dark, like everybody was gone. That my friend that lived down the street. Her mom worked at the school. Well, I remember sitting at next to the sign for the school and her asking me, Tonio, what

spk_1:   11:48
are you

spk_0:   11:49
doing there? I was like, Daddy told me not to come home, and she’s like, What? I said, Yeah, he told me to call any shell and Eni Shell said, No, I can’t come over because it’s too late of a notice. So I’m just sitting here not knowing what to do. I’m not going to go home cause Daddy said don’t go home. And so she was like, OK, well, come home with me. I mean, I stayed the night over arousal. The times it was no big deal, you know, and I was friends with her daughter. I stayed the night of her house. And then the next day after school, her oldest daughter walked me home to my house. I was one of those kids that even though I was 10 11 12 I mean, I had actually been doing it since, like third grade, walking home from school and being home alone for a few hours because Dad worked construction and couldn’t be home. When I got home, I had a key to the house and everything, and I opened at the front door, and I can still remember the way that it looked like It’s clear as day. The way the sun was shining through the window of the house looked and everything. And I opened up the front door and the house is empty. I’m talking about everything is gone. Everything in the whole entire house is gone. Except for one of those white phones with the board that’s like forever long. You

spk_3:   13:00
play walk old school phones.

spk_0:   13:03
Oh, yeah, I remember that being on the floor and a Manila envelope and I’m walking around in the house. And then I opened up my bedroom door and my bedroom is the only thing that had anything in it. Everything was gone. I mean everything. Wow. And I remember just thinking to myself What do I do now? Where did he go? What’s going on? You know, like the person I’ve known my whole life is just go on. And he didn’t even say goodbye. I’ll never forget the day. It was March 21st in 1998 1 of those things that just hit me. I went and stayed with the lady friend down the street. I remember Angela was her youngest daughter. My attitude got worse.

spk_3:   13:47
Did you go there that night like, how did you get? Did you just see it empty? And you grabbed a few things and walked to her house or,

spk_0:   13:54
Yeah, she don’t be carrying do things to their house. And then she said, Well, I guess we’ll try to figure out what’s going on. And then my Auntie Shell didn’t want to take me or whatever. I stayed with her for a little while, like a few months, and my Auntie Show had just had a daughter, you know, she was in her twenties. She was pretty young herself, taken on a teenage daughter. That was a lot. Even though she’s known me my whole life, it was just a lot, you know, when She’s trying to start her own family and you know that kind of thing. So I understand that was a lot to handle. But I mean, if you think of about me on the inside, I was just confused and just didn’t understand what was going on. And I didn’t know how to process that. The only thing I knew to do was to act that Oh, you know, or smoking lead or the bad attitude or slamming doors or having anger problems or whatever and that kind of thing Not doing what I was supposed to be doing. Yeah, and while I stayed with her, not my any shell. That lady got the ST Angela’s mom. She took me in and everything, but I was, you know, my smoking weed have It’s got worse. You know, I learned that kind of stuff from my dad, and you know how to drink and smoke weed and smoke cigarettes. That was, you know, a learned behavior at a very, very, very young age. I was in about third grade when I started smoking weed and cigarettes. So um, no cigarettes was fourth grade. I started smoking weed before then, and then of course, drinking Butto here, and they’re growing up as a kid and stuff like that and stuff. So

spk_3:   15:28
you just thought this is normal? I mean, that’s so yeah. So, like, OK?

spk_0:   15:32
Yeah. Dad would be like, you know, you wanna want cool or whatever, You know, that kind of thing, and I’ll be your here and there. Whatever. And it wasn’t It wasn’t no big thing. I mean, it wasn’t like I got, like, extremely drone

spk_3:   15:46
ship, right? I’m sure there

spk_0:   15:48
was times I was a little bit more than Buzz, but, you know, it didn’t kill me. Obviously, I’m still here today. My smoking weed have it got worse. And I would run up on the roof or climb the trees, and I’d hide and smoke weed and like, nobody could find me. And is that the other Or like, a situation that kind of like pushed it over the limit where I accidentally almost worked out her house? Yeah. So high on weed that I put top Roman on the stove and burn a hole through the pocked. That’s how I was so high. I passed out on the couch. I woke up just smoke and everything because they came through the door and

spk_3:   16:28
I know how

spk_0:   16:29
to cook. Like it wasn’t like I didn’t know how to cook. It was the fact that I was really high, you know, It passed out stoned on the couch. And so that situation happened, which was not good. She still let me stay there. And then there was another situation where her daughter accused me of stealing her bra, and I didn’t even really even have boobs to steal abroad,

spk_3:   16:52
you know? I

spk_0:   16:53
mean, you know, and so she was, like, a lot older than me. And, you know, I think I was in a training wrong, I think at 12 years old, you know, And so I was like and even when I did wear those I wore supports bras because I was so much of a tomboy, you know, I was just like, No, I didn’t take your bra. So anyways, it was too much of a situation. So the next day I wake up in a You know, she told me. She said, I’m sorry, but you gotta go. Go. And I was like, What? So there was a yellow cab that picked me up and I went Teoh DCFs. And then I was in the system from 12 until 18.

spk_3:   17:35
What’s that? DCFs

spk_0:   17:38
as the Department of Children and Family Services. Okay, I end up going to this group home that’s in Bellevue, and I end up catching the city bus, the metro catching the metro to like your elementary and, you know, finishing out schooling there. Whatever. I know it was so weird and I got kicked out of their for smoking cigarettes. Is that I get kicked out or dinner run away. I think I think I ran away or got get that one of the other. Which was the start of my pattern of running away. Well, really, Actually, no. To rewind a little bit. The first time I ran away, I was nine when I got in trouble at school and I thought my dad was gonna kill me. So I packed my roller skates and some canned goods. Can’t open her My walk A Walkman, if you remember what a Walkman is for the player, not a CD, but because set player. Yeah, Dad comes up and says where you go in California and I’m walking along Juanito Beach thinking I’m really going somewhere. You know, I didn’t even get in trouble that day. I think my dad was more scared of the fact that I was nine years old trying to walk the streets with my roller blades and enough grocery bag thinking in my coloring book and crayons. And you know, all the things that nine year olds love I think they can’t live without. So we got in the car and it was actually the Jeep and we went to Red Robin and he got me the tower of onion rings and cheese burger. You know, I love Red Robin grown up. We played with the healing of anything, and it was like a ziff. I didn’t even get in trouble. I guess that was kind of like weird parenting from that day on. Actually, when I ran away, my dad afforded at my window. When I got in trouble, he would ground me in looking in the inside so that I couldn’t get out. And I think I know he did that out of fear that something was gonna happen to me. And you can’t quite control them all the time considering you’re a single parent. You don’t want her to run away. So let’s just block her in a room when she’s grounded and she can’t go on aware. And I’m sure that he probably had good intentions in it. But being a young parent and from what? The way he grew up, You know, that habit went further on after, you know, for the running away situation and being grounded. And sometimes I’d be grounded for weeks at a time and he would leave and come by. And I should be in there and give me dinner or whatever. But then he’d leave you again, and I wouldn’t. I mean, like, I’m locked in the room like I can’t get out. Not even to go to the bathroom. So you learn. Okay. Well, if I got to go, what am I gonna do? How I go to the bathroom. So he gave me dinner and I got a cup of my milk. So I ended up learning how to just getting a cup and put it up against the wall. And don’t bump it. And then when I get out of the room that I could dump it in the toilet kind of situation, you know, I mean, I say that because it’s important to know that abandonment and neglect have been some of the things that cause me to treat myself a certain way or other people or running away kind of thing. You know, just to give a little bit of a inside on that, you know, totally not to, like, go into, like, a whole bunch of detail or whatever, but getting hit really bad that one time for stealing a pair of jeans and getting grass stains are I mean, obviously, I don’t think that that was, like the best punishment or the best. So instead, on that situation. But that’s what happened. Ran a force not boarding at my bedroom window with screws and walking me in there just so that I didn’t run away. But it happened. And, um,

spk_3:   21:16
I’m sure part of it made you think Appreciate your freedom. Mawr, like it probably made like a little stronger resolving you when you have that free moment. Or like, well, I can go up in a tree like I yeah, you know, like craft forward to you at 12. That you’re experimenting with the independence and freedom even more because you had it.

spk_0:   21:36
And I think that that’s why, you know, later on in life, it was easy for me to cope inside of a box. You know, I mean, like, Aiken function in a box because I learned how to do it at a really young age. Yeah. Had to entertain myself with simple things. Very simple things and just being in your head. And if you got a pencil Oh, are going on. You know, you never know what you could do with it or whatever, you know? Yeah. So then I will in the system at 12. And this is like, full on in the system, like, you know, group homes, foster homes, shelters, all that. And so I was in a couple group poems in a couple of shelters, and then they placed me in my first foster home. And that what is with big mama Virginia Miller. She was this little itty bitty black lady, little tiny lady. And but she had a heart of gold. And she was just so sweet. And she made the best fried chicken. She was just funny. And when you would see her come out, she was a little back. This woman, we went to Mount Baker Baptist Church. Don’t be, can you? It was funny to see her come out in her low outfit. She had on this big, huge leopard print hat with, like, hot pink stock ins and I mean full on head to toe, just dressed up and everything. But she taught me a lot about the real world about being a woman. When you get older and stuff and, you know and don’t tolerate this and, you know, stay strong. And she gave me encouragement and hope. She ended up getting lung cancer and they took me out of her home and put me back in a group home. And so I was really angry about that. I would actually run away from group homes to go stay up her house. I would lie and say that I had a pass to go to her house and I didn’t. And then it caught up to me, and, uh, I feel bad about it because the last thing I ever told her was a lie. I’m sure she’s up there in heaven saying, I forgive you, Tanya. It’s OK. Move on from it, But she had a big impact on me. As you know, just as being a woman end the streets and and how riel life is and stuff like that. And she she gave me a glance. The glimpse of God, You should kind of, like, broke it down to me a little bit more in that sense and how to fight and have hope.

spk_3:   24:04
You said when it caught up to you, did something happen where you just didn’t get ever see her again? Did they forbid you from going over there

spk_0:   24:12
while it caught up to me? Because the first time I got in trouble, I was 12. I ran away on Halloween when I was I got my first charge, my first felony charge, which was armed robbery in the first degree near my boyfriend and two of the other girls from the shelter. We ran away together and committed this crime and stuff, and it ended up getting dropped to a theft one. But I got out of jail after 30 days and they gave me six months probation and it started this big, huge long cycle of probation violation, probation violation, and then I waas forced to go live with my biological mother, which only lasted 12 days. I could remember this. Yeah, I got out December 1st and I was out of her house by December 12. I had ran away, stole some of my mom’s stuff to go pawn at the No pawnshop and all that comes up. Then when I was 13 this is what I mean by it caught up to me when I was 13. She died on Valentine’s Day of 99. Oh, so you mean even still to this day, Valentine’s Day? I just try to be with somebody just around somebody, not by myself and in my head. You know, her birthday is on ST Patrick’s Day and she died on balance, I’d say, but I didn’t get to go to the few and roll or anything because I was too busy running away from my problems and on the streets that I didn’t get. Just get to ask for forgiveness for lying to her. You know, the last time I saw her because she asked me, you know, do you have permission to come over here? And I told her Yes, and I didn’t. And so it was just because it was my safe place at all these places that the state was putting me in. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be in her house. And who cares if she had lung cancer? I was old enough to pretty much take care of myself. Plus, I have been taking care of myself most of my childhood. Anyways, with my dad working so much and me being home alone, I mean, I could survive by myself, you know? And if anything, I could help her get better and, you know, help her get to the bathroom or help her with her food or whatever. Ito

spk_3:   26:22
Big mama sounds like a really special lady. And so you have that 10 days with your mom and then your birth mom. And then where’d you go after that? That big mama passed away after that.

spk_0:   26:34
Yeah, well, I went back to the streets and I was in and out of Juvenile Hall and then shelters and group homes, so I didn’t find out until March. That big moment had passed away in February. And so that’s what I mean by caught up to me. And then from 12 until I was 15. It was, you know, this vicious cycle of runaway group homes, foster homes, doing drugs, experimenting with anything and everything. And at 12 when I was on the street, I learned how Teoh Jack a tree jacket. A trick is basically you stand on the street pretending like you’re gonna sell yourself to some guy. They pick you up and you go do whatever and then they give you money for it. Well, before I ended up doing that, I would get in the car and pretend like I was going to do something, and then I would jump out of the car. Sometimes while it was moving, I would jump down on Aurora, where Blue video is. I’ll never forget. It blew video and it has a little arch there. And you could walker the bridge and go on the other side of Aurora. That was like where I learned how to do that and I stand there And the crazy thing is that I think of me as an adult and I’m like, How did somebody not I mean people are sick and twisted. I was 12 years old,

spk_3:   27:52
were 12 years old

spk_0:   27:53
12 year old like, really? But anyways, I would stand there doing that or whatever, but when I got locked in the car too many times trying to fight my way out of the situation, I was like, Forget this. I might as well just do the real thing. And then I don’t have to fight for my life every single time, you know? Yeah. So then that was when I started doing that, and and then it became a ah, hustle. And then it was, you know, hey, if I ever knew I needed some money, I knew how how to get it and I selling drugs, selling myself, dealing cars, stealing stuff, boosting whatever. And I got really good at it. I just have the hustle mentality when I was younger and we didn’t have much food in the house because my dad was an alcoholic. Loot isn’t really a preference when you’re on alcohol. And so you learn how to either steal the food from the store or like I did, I would steal candy and sell it at school and go back to the grocery store to buy a sandwich. Yeah, I just I guess God just gave me that hustle mentality. Sad thing is, is I had to learn how to do it the wrong way before I can be an adult now and do it the right way. But

spk_3:   29:06
what you got there you got there and you know what it’s it’s You have that strength and that fight back in you, all that good fight and strength in you back back then to Tony, and it’s kind of silver lining and hearing how you were just very resourceful and wasn’t ideal. Mean, Brady 12 year old. And it’s it’s sad to me that course it’s hard that there’s so many awful people out there who would encourage someone who’s down and out to do to do about things. So I hope you’re not hard on yourself for all that.

spk_0:   29:40
No, no. I mean, I went through everything that I went through for for the reason why we’re sitting here right now to give my testimony, and so I wouldn’t take any of it back. I just try to take that information and make sure that I spread the news of if I see those sons for other younger women or whatever and give them the reality of what goes on in a boy’s mind or a man’s head and try to steer them away from those kinds of people. And so

spk_3:   30:09
there’s a really good book. I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book Redeeming Love. It’s a really good seriously.

spk_0:   30:15
Write that down. I’m gonna write that down.

spk_3:   30:17
Yeah, and it’s It’s a really good Siri’s about a woman who had ended up doing that kind of a thing in her life, and it’s fiction, but it’s one of the most beautifully written books that are Girls were Hedda’s teenagers, and it’s kind of kind of what you’re saying. And, uh, it sounds like Big Mama was really instrumental and praise God for big moment and kind of introducing you to church and hearing about God. Where did you come to know the Lord?

spk_0:   30:47
I actually, when I was younger, when I first started going to Lakeview Elementary, there was a daycare. It was like after school program and everything. Well, there was a guy and a girl that worked there and because I was usually always there, you know, early in the morning, because that had to go to work and then later in the afternoon because, you know, in construction you work long hours. They offered to take me to, like, little youth group program things and stuff like that. And my dad was like, Yeah, sure, no problem. And they were willing to do it. And they didn’t, you know, ask for money to do it and that kind of thing. I never watching like those old Moses movies. Like one of the first Christian movies that came out and it was Moses and the 10 command from its ends up, you know? And

spk_3:   31:31
it said her new and

spk_0:   31:33
old Hollywood. Yeah, and I remember learning about the basic things of the gospel, the law and the Jews and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, Noah in the Ark. And And I remember coming back from him in my dad because I think I had asked my data, said, Daddy, I want a Bible and he was like, Well, okay, you know, And then he kind of like, slapped down with me and said, Tanya, you can be whatever you want to believe, you know, be and believe bin that’s up to you. He’s like I don’t want to stop you from doing that is like if you want to be Jehovah’s Witness, you could be Jehovah’s Witness. If you want to be Christian, you could be Christian if you wanna be Judy, you can be Jew. And so, hey, kind of like gave me my free will and doing that in mind you. I think I was like, maybe seven or eight gave me that choice, to believe in whatever I wanted to believe in, because he would grew up Jehovah’s Witness and the kids were really mean to him and beat him up and threw rocks at him and, you know, all that kind of stuff. He didn’t want me to have to go through that, so he let me make that decision. So I remember I got my first precious moments Bible from the guy and that girl. It was a little white, precious moments, Bible, and but I think that that was when I, you know, my first real in cat owner with God was, you know, from them to and then I think it really was a little bit more explained when Big Mama came along. Made more sense so I think that it was The seed was planted, but the fly over again and start to come out of the dirt and big moment came later on. You know around when I met you. I think it’s when it really made sense. Just a fast forward, a little bit from 12 and 13 and 14 15. I was just in and out of juvie in and out of group homes and foster care. But I will never forget this number. When I looked at my file from DS suggests, when I aged out, they gave my and I remember reading in there that when I was 13 I mean, of course, I wasn’t counting because I just knew that I was. It was almost like every day I would move. I lived out of a bag. I went to 137 different placements like that’s how many different places I lived in one year

spk_3:   33:45
are you? That’s why 130

spk_0:   33:48
Valley. Why, That’s why I did seventh grade twice, and then I was too old to go into seventh grade again. So they put me in eighth grade, and I ended up being the oldest kid in the whole entire school. Mind you, I was on probation. I was the only one in the school that had a job. I got great. 35 cents an hour. I went to me middle school in the Central District. Yeah, I was 15. Yeah,

spk_3:   34:15
so you like, got a job? But it wasn’t really

spk_0:   34:20
a job. It was community service that I needed a work off for probation, you know, because I was getting so much trouble. And and, of course, I could never get off probation because part of my probation was to not run away from wherever the state placed me. So I was. I was called a habitual runner when I was 15 I got in a car with a cop with an undercover cop. My attorney tried to help me get his badge taken away, but I was too scared to put my name in the newspaper and that kind of thing. But basically, he ended up touching me, and I touched him and whatever, and he broke the law and I was 15. All he did was get put on probation because I didn’t have enough guts to say my name. So there’s an

spk_3:   35:06
army. Wasn’t an undercover cop. He was somebody who was just taking advantage of a child. Yeah, he was soliciting. Is that the word?

spk_0:   35:15
That, too. But it’s the story of 2 72nd on Pac Highway from the Seattle Stranger. She’s still in my life now. Her name is Jill Mallet, and she has been fighting for me and helping me ever since I was 15 and she got me into boot camp and then right after boot camps, when I met you and Mike and Pittman’s and ran into Nathan again. Then, you know, we started our relationship, and then I went toe shoreline community college and live with the Pittman’s. I mean, you guys helped me so much in learning what it was to be a godly family and actually like what it what it looks like to serve God. And then, of course, you know, I had my relationship with Nathan, and that didn’t go so well. He was abusive and an addict and has his own issues. I ran away from that, and then I was still in college, you know, for cosmetology and yet cosmetology license and my business administration degree and everything. And

spk_3:   36:19
Tanya, when we met you, I knew some of the things from your past. But I can say you were a joyful, sweet teenager and you were so hard working. I was so impressed with your work ethic about back then. And I remember your determination going to beauty school. And I remember you work in it Dix burgers. And I remember telling like I’m gonna go. Yeah, I’m going to Dick’s burgers now because tongue is working. And I remember making you up once anything at 2 a.m. Cause you’re like, I’ll just walk home. I’ll just take care of it. I’m not gonna walking home to 2 a.m. en you really? You’ve been through so many things, but you could also see God’s hand in your life. Then we lost track of you somewhere around 20 or something and

spk_0:   37:07
well, yeah, cause I moved to every I was trying to move away because they would find me on the bus and, like, chased me down down down Seattle. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, I’ve got to get out of here. Yeah, and so I was just trying to get away from him because I, like, didn’t know when he was gonna pop up or whatever. And when you’re an abusive relationship, you know, you just get this and for me, you know, a habitual runner. I good at running away. And so while I had that job, I got it into, you know, the wrong crowd again. And I wasn’t even doing the drugs. I was just selling the drugs partially because I couldn’t make enough money to survive. It was just too much, you know, I had, like, 45 jobs, so I was like, Well, let me just go back to hustling and, you know, make my bills in this that the other. And so I did. And then, of course, you know, that takes that one day of Oh, yeah, I’m gonna party, Have a good time, And then you’re right back in the same old cycle again. And then my addiction, you know, fell down and that kind of thing, And then I got it back together and stop doing drugs. And I went toe went to Dallas the first time. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was 22. Thought I was gonna sell everything that I owned and went to Dallas, Texas Boy, was that an eye opener? And, uh, it was a total culture shock. The whole culture stock. Like, what am I doing here, Mind you that it only lasted about five months. And I was like, I’m getting back

spk_3:   38:34
on the bus going back to

spk_0:   38:36
Seattle. So I went back to Seattle, and then I finished my cosmetology license at Seattle Educational Institute. And then I, um, started a whole another adventure. And that was I decided to do, Ah, one of those auditions that you do with the strip club. Well, I would. And they told me Either you can get your business license, your adult entertainment licence or you can keep the money. And of course, you know, they sell you with the oh, you can just continue to work here and, you know, just keep making some more money and level but of law. And so I did that. And then that started a cycle of dancing for five years and doing drugs and selling more drugs. And then before you knew it, I was I was all up in it.

spk_1:   39:24
I was starting to snort coke really bad. I was selling it, but I started to snort it really bad parsley. Because when you dance, you basically get molested every single day that you go to work. And the crazy thing is, is it’s always the guy that has the most money in his pocket and has on a pin striped suit or just to shoot it a suit in general and is like this clean cut guy. But yet he’s like the biggest perv in the room and they, you know, violate you. And like, you gotta, like, fought your way out of the booth because they think that since they got all this money, they can just treat you any kind of way. You know, I had experienced that and, you know, you just learn to rub it off or whatever, but then it just it starts to, like, mess with your head. You know, like when it’s an everyday, like a constant battle that you got to go through it just you just you just want to get out of your head. So you’re like, OK, let me just get in the zone and then you end up just getting totally wasted. Find a dance and make more money. And this, that and the other and not think about how sick that these guys are that they just do this kind of stuff. And

spk_3:   40:29
were there any rights as a dancer? Like, were you not supposed to report some of that stuff? Well, you

spk_1:   40:36
can. You reported to the bounce or whatever, but honestly, if you’re a real good hustler, you just use that to your advantage. You demand respect. In that sense, you’re you take their money. Basically. No, you’re not facing to treat me like that. Give me your money and you could end the session right then And there, once they cross that line and they can do about it even though they might have paid for 15 minutes an hour or whatever and they cross that line. I’m sorry you didn’t get your money back, you know, I mean, you can go. You can leave now because you’ve crossed the line that you weren’t supposed to. And state of Washington, you can dance completely. 100% nude. Well, like all in their face, everything because they don’t serve alcohol. But mind you, nine times that, attend those people are drunk, especially when I worked at deja Vu by Quest Field. I’ll never forget it. I went to like, I don’t know if you know what freak night is. It’s like the biggest rave of the year in Seattle. Yeah, and it’s always on have wing. And so I went to freak night and was like, Hi out of my mind, you know, off ecstasy in mushrooms and coke and all kinds of stuff. And then I decided to hop in my pickup truck and hit the road. Jack and I didn’t come back. I’ve been gone from Seattle ever since, and wow. Yeah, that was that was how wean of 2000 and 10. And I haven’t been back since. Except for last year. When I came back to visit, I hit the road, and then I went from state to state and was dancing from state to state. They have, like, this website that you could go to, and it would tell you where all the strip clubs were in America and actually really like in the world. And so I would just be like, Okay, here’s one right here that I would drive this one makes the money. And then I had a mattress in the back of the truck night. Stand up, pull out drawers. I mean, I lived out of my pickup truck. I love that drug was as 10. It was so good. I love that drop. And I I went from state to state and I visited my dad along the way, and I stopped here and stop there. And then I ended up in Florida for a while, and I stayed there. But when I went to Florida, I started smoking crack, roll hard, and it just kind of spiraled down from there like I was just doing powder and, you know, popping X and Percocets and stuff. And then I started smoking crack pretty tough. And that was when I got really like what I was in Seattle. I smoke meth a few times, but $10 on Metha last year two days compared Toa $10 on frack. Only last year, 10 minutes, though it was the whole another kind of high. It was a lot more expensive, and that’s why you know it. You all down so fast because it costs so much war for the high. So anyways. And then I stayed in Florida, Panama City, Florida For a while, I moved to New Orleans and then I went back and forth between Mississippi and New Orleans. And then that was when I, uh, doing all kind of crazy stuff. I mean, I didn’t know where I wanted to be, and I got involved in this another abusive relationship and stuff. And I ended up not wanting to be in one place longer than, like, 20 minutes, because while I was trying to get a ride it from somebody, he, uh I took advantage of that. And then, like, didn’t take me where I needed to go and attempted to kick me out of the car. And then that was with this other girl that was like, seven months pregnant. Now, mind you, she’s smoking crack. Okay, that’s not my business while she’s pregnant. But of course, I still wasn’t encouraging that, but she was out there on the streets with me and ah, he kicked both of us out of the car and then he wanted to get me back into the car. And I was like, some pain, right? He’s acting weird, is the only like had his window rolled down halfway, and he wanted me to walk to the other side of it, the truck or whatever. And so I did. And I, uh, want to sit, like, you know how you kind of, like, sit halfway on a seat like you just put one leg. Then you kind of, like, lean in or whatever. Well, that was what I did because the door was still open, you know, like, I still had one foot on the ground, and then my leg was on the seat. Then all of a sudden, I see a double barrel gun, and he’s like, get in the truck And I turned around and I sprained that. I was, like, on and I started running away. Then shots were firing and there behind me. And I’m just trying to dodge bullets. Mongie. I didn’t know I couldn’t go anywhere else because, like, wasn’t really anywhere else to go. I had on stilettos. I’m trying to run in mind you. This is 4 30 in the morning, and so he drags me back into the truck and we drive away and we drive past the girl. That 7.5 months pregnant. She’s left on the side of the road for 30 in the morning. Whoa! I’ve been this guy and I’m thinking to myself, Oh, my gosh, she’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna kill these. Gonna kill me. And I was crying and everything, and and then he was like, Shut up! And you know, of course, there’s a few more words that are said And this that and the other. And I’m just trying to think about Okay, Well, where is he gonna take me? How can I get back to safety? Trying to think about nice things and what’s going on and everything. And and we get back on the freeway and and I’m not I don’t know Mississippi very well. You know what I mean? I knew it a little bit, but not like the freeway. I knew, like, you know, like this. The roads, the side roads, the street takes to this street and how to get from this area to that area. But it wasn’t like I knew it like that. And so I’m like, Oh, my gosh. Which way are we going? The only thing I remember before he stopped the truck Waas. I was trying to look for the last, you know, known street sign or, you know, mile marker or anything in the last one I saw was Mile marker 52 on the side of I 10. And so I was like, OK, well, if I read, end up running in the woods, just trying to save my life, just running and running and running. At least I know somewhat of where I am that I can tell somebody

spk_3:   46:49
because you don’t have a phone or anything, right?

spk_1:   46:51
No, I didn’t because I dropped my phone behind the store or when I was running from him shooting at me. You know, he’s telling me, toe shut up, about to kill you. This that and the other. And I’m like, Oh, my gosh, I’m gonna die tonight. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You know, and he’s like, take your clothes off, get in the back And and then the story goes on from there about getting raped and everything in them, you know, begging and screaming and crying and, you know, just beggin formed up just to stop or whatever. I don’t know. I mean, you know, you’re in that moment. You don’t even know what to do. And then, you know, my thing was it was like we’ll put on a condom, you know? And so he was like, Fine, if that’s the only way to get you to shut up. And so that happened, or whatever. And then the whole situation happens, and I’m still thinking that he’s gonna, like, kill me. And I’m, like, looking like Oh, my gosh, She’s gonna put me in those woods like he’s already shot at me. And so I’m trying to do everything that I can just to get this situation over with so that I can get out of the situation. He ends up getting back in the front seat and I get in the front seat and then he he drops me off where he was supposed to take me in the beginning and then says, Well, I don’t know you any money, and you don’t owe me anything. I’m just like, Oh, my gosh, really? And so that spiraled me into even more of a hate, uh, addiction with print, like it was like And then there was, like the full on paranoia couldn’t be in one place longer than 20 minutes. Always trying to look behind my back, that kind of thing. And it was just real rough from then on. And then, uh,

spk_3:   48:39
did you have anyone to talk to at that time? And did you ever find out what happened to that pregnant lady?

spk_1:   48:47
Yeah, actually, the that same night that that happens, it was, you know, it was really early in the morning or whatever. Well, I ended up getting picked up, and she she somehow got to the place where the people that came to pick me up, she was there already when I got picked up that day next the next day after this happens, like because I was trying to just get away from people and get out of my head and all this craziness. So I went to my safe haven, which was this, you know, this guy’s house. And I always knew that when I went to his house, kind of was, there wasn’t. People weren’t knocking on his door every five minutes. It wasn’t a trap house. It wasn’t this that together. And he would let me get high. And it wasn’t like it was like a safe place for me to go and get away from all the craziness of the streets and everything. So, mind you, he he had this huge Bible that used to sit on like this, like a pedestal kind of thing or whatever, like a old school Bible that have, like, the gold pages on it and stuff with big pictures. And that was the first time I picked up a Bible in a really long, probably the sense being in a hotel when I was, like, 22 23 or something like that, You know, to me like it had been a really long time since I had picked up a Bible, and I can look back on that now. And even in that moment that day, which was the next day after it happened, I I remember thinking to myself, This is what God allowed me to go through and saved me in this to give me a wake up call. You know what I mean? Like, I had gotten that far off that it was a wake up call Now not to, you know, just credit God, But God allows certain things to happen in our lives. for us to be won’t look up. You know what I mean? And be like, Whoa, what are you doing with yourself? You know? And so he still kept me safe in that situation, to the point where I made it out alive.

spk_3:   50:54
Praise the Lord for that.

spk_1:   50:56
I know, right? I can live today to tell it that I made it through my rape and I made it out on the other side. And now I’m sober today and all that. But that was one of the first wake up calls that I had. And then I still chose to be in my addiction and be on the streets. And so myself and celled opened and everything like that. And then it got into another abusive relationship and he was so evil and so dark. I know what the true meaning of a demon possessed person is, and it’s really it’s so hard. Teoh explain it. But the easiest way I know how to explain it is that when it’s not like the movies say or whatever, I guess maybe nowadays it would be for the movies because, you know, they have so many good special effects and everything but this wasn’t a special effect. I was getting beat up so bad. I remember looking around in the bathroom and looking at the walls and seeing my blood all over the walls like this is how bad I got beat up and I had to sit there squatting with my arms out, and I was tripping on my own sweat. I was sweating so bad in the bathroom with the door closed, and, you know, because I’m crying and it’s hot. Of course, you know when you get beat up, you know your adrenaline’s go and try and you know you see your fight or flight mode. And so I was literally tripping on my own sweat, and if he heard me fall, he would come back in and kick me or punch me some more because I wasn’t. I wasn’t in the stance that he wanted me to be in the time before the last time he came into the bathroom, he forced me to look at it in the face, and I wasn’t understanding why he was doing that. And I was like, I didn’t want to look at him cause really I mean, you want me to look at you in the face and I really don’t want to look at you in the face is look what you’ve done to me. I mean, it is a reality check when you’re watching your own blood spray on the walls because you’re getting beat up that bad. I mean, that day he beat me with dog chain and belts and, you know, beat me up in the bathroom. I mean, had bruises. I had chain link bruises up and down my back and everything, and it was just it was a really bad day. But when he told me to look at him in the face, it was something I will never forget. It was like it was like, you know, like a lizard blanks their eyes and their eyelids. It like the lizards for their eyes, like go to the side like this kind of thing. It was kind of like that in the sense of the way that the demon revealed himself to me. His eyes went completely, Ah, 100% black, and it was almost like a blink. And then it was there for, like, 30 seconds, and then it went away. And when this deep. When this demon exposed himself, he had a different name. His voice would sound difference then. This is This is Marcus. You know, my boyfriend I’m dating at the time. You know, this is him talking to me. But when the demon would talk, he would talk in third person, and you would talk about Marcus and stuff. And it was It was It is so well and that waas like, Oh, my gosh, If my life is going to get any worse than this, I have got to get it together. And I remember that last time, that door, that bathroom door closed. I remember praying to God. Like God, you have got to save me. Get me out of this. I don’t want to live my life like this anymore. This has got to stop because I’ve already looked at the barrel of a gun, been raped and gentlemen drugs in my childhood. And it was just like, Oh, my gosh. If it’s going to get any worse than this, I want to get out now. I’m gonna die, like for real. For real. I don’t I’m

spk_3:   54:56
not a cat. I don’t have nine lives. You know. And

spk_1:   55:00
so I remember praying to God like God, please just save me. Get me out of this. A week later, I was in jail and then I’ve been clean and sober ever since, and I haven’t gone back. See, it’s and that’s what it took. That’s it took me for the glimpse of a wake up call of being raped and then because those things were instilled in me throughout my life of when all else is gone, you know, you can call on God, no matter what that was. Of course. Obviously I was like David in that moment, like crying out to God like, Can’t save me, Please get me out of this. Here I am today, six years clean and sober, and I’m a mom, and I got a good the best paying job I’ve ever had. Legit. Yes, E. I have medical insurance, and I don’t have to like, look over my shoulder. There’s still some legal things I have to pay for, whatever, but I’m not on probation anymore. I did my probation and I got my gold seal, and I’m a what did they call that? I’m not a menace to society. anymore. You know, I’m a good citizen, so that’s kind of all of that in a nutshell, with, you know, a few things in between that. But that’s kind of like the gist. And I guess the big parts

spk_3:   56:22
that’s so encouraging. Tony, you’ve been through so many crazy things and you have, like, a church community or something that you’re

spk_1:   56:33
Yeah, the women’s. I I would say this, you know, I didn’t have a relationship with my mom and stuff. So I always struggled with building a bond with any kind of like, you know, older women and that kind of thing. And, um, now I wouldn’t trade it for the world women, my women’s Bible study. I mean, it’s just I mean, I love all of those ladies, you know, and it’s comfortable is a safe play, needs to open up, talk about the Lord and life and parenting and all kind of crazy stuff. And I love going to church. And I’d say, probably the best thing is is that they accept me for who I am and this church that I’m going to now I’ve been to some some churches, you know, where they shun you out. Like when I went through that situation with Nathan, they, like, looked at me like I had the plague just because I wanted to divorce her husband. That was beating the dog crap out of me and cheating on me. And and I had no ride and blah blah, blah. And so it’s hard to go back into the church when the church is pushed you away, Supposed to be loving this church, that I go to you. That is not the case. They’ve seen me at my worst. They saw me when I was, you know, only 30 days out of jail and definitely didn’t have it all together, that’s for sure. You know, they’ve seen me grow and they helped me and were like, kind of like a diverse group. We got a lot of eight groups in young old kids. Male, female, you mean is not just like one kind of like group. And I like that. And I feel welcome there and loving and giving. And you mentioned something just because you’re trying to get it off your chest and then before you know what they’re like.

spk_3:   58:19
Well, I’m just going to give you this just

spk_1:   58:21
uniter like, Whoa, I didn’t say that. I get from somebody you know. You’re just like I’m

spk_3:   58:27
just trying to get it off my chest.

spk_1:   58:29
And then, you know, somebody buys you a sweet nothing or just comes up to you and says, I love you and I just wanted to give you a hug today and that’s what I love about my church. And that’s why Peter said, Don’t for, say, the assembling of brethren. The fellowship is very important. You can experience God’s love if you’re not experiencing it with people either giving it or receiving it. That’s how you really actually get to feel God’s love, not just knowing that God loves you, because those other people are the ones that are hands and feet showing you God’s love because that’s what God calls us to Dio. And so I really hope that people would have a better understanding of that because there really are missing out. We eat on Wednesday nights and then we have our devotion time and then we have ah, prayer meeting afterwards and then, you know, I got to my Sunday school on Sunday, obviously and then service and the now We’re starting a new series on Sunday that is experiencing God, have you when that

spk_3:   59:35
I have

spk_1:   59:36
and feel like a devotion. But with that, so that’s our new one that we’re going to do for Sunday night.

spk_3:   59:43
Aren’t you involved in some kind of a prison Ministry are, too?

spk_1:   59:47
Yeah, it’s called Cairo’s International Prison Ministry. It worked with Cairo’s outside. It’s a free part like ministry. It’s Kyros inside, which is, you know, going inside the prisons. And then there’s Paris outside, which is dealing with the women outside of the jail. Cause is predominantly males that are locked up. But, um, Cairo’s outside is, you know, for the women that have been impacted by incarceration and, you know, a brother, a dad or husband or whatever’s incarcerated. Or it may be even be their sister or whatever. And it doesn’t even need to be then, because there I don’t think that there isn’t one person in this world today that I can’t say that they don’t know somebody that’s been incarcerated. So yeah, a lot of people that have been impacted by it. And then there’s Cairo’s torch, which is for the youth, for the is starting with teenage boys, and then they’re trying to branch it out. Two teenage girls but teenage boys they have married couples show up and show the teenage boys what a real mom and dad relationship towards their child would be like. Because most of the time it’s either they don’t. I don’t have the mother or they don’t have the father or they don’t have either one or they don’t. They just don’t have a good example trying to give them the basics of that. And, yes, I am in leadership right now. I’m gonna be leading my first Cairo’s outside week, Genz. So I will need some prayer and please great that whole process because the enemy doesn’t like it. It’s a it’s a battle. But I know like you said, God’s gonna we’re gonna get to be three Indian because God already has so

spk_3:   1:1:26
well, Tanya, thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s so evident that you’re looking at your life from the perspective of God has done so much. He allowed those some of those awful things, and somewhere in there you are making choices, too. But also you are making choices toe open that Bible at the safe house for you. Open the Bible and you were able like you said when you were in a box to turn your life, about to cry out to God, to have mercy on you. And he’s done so many amazing things in your life. And I’m just really excited to see Ho God’s going to use that in your life in the life of your precious little son and Oliver listeners out there as well. And some 30 it says in Verse one. I will extol you, O Lord, for you have lifted me up and have not let my enemies rejoice

spk_2:   1:2:14
over me. O Lord, my God, I cry to you for help and you healed me. Oh, Lord, you have brought up my soul from shield. You have kept me alive that I would not go down to the pitch saying praise to the Lord, you, his guards, England and give thanks to his Holy here is your ps some extras about our guest. Are

spk_3:   1:2:39
you ready for some questions? Of course I am any teacher that influenced you.

spk_1:   1:2:44
My third grade teacher, Ms Calmer off she was a little different. She was very patient and outgoing and and funny. She was kind of like when I was older ladies, that was, like, quirky, you know, classes, big, curly hair.

spk_3:   1:2:57
You know, she was, you know,

spk_1:   1:2:59
she was very interactive with me and show genuine concern of what was going on with me. Because in third grade I had a lot of anger, and I was always in the hallway for acting out and throwing things and having a bad attitude and stuff. And she always just seemed to just kind of just be a sounding board for me. And and I really like that. And then another teacher was when I was in college. She was my business and administration English professor. Yes, but you know how you said I was always determined and hardworking? Well, she noticed that about me. And she was one of those stickler type professors like you do what she says to do. If you don’t do it exactly the way she had to do it, you’re going to get, you know, points off your grade foreignness that together. But she knew that when she offered to come and come, like tutor me outside of class. I was their business English Mind you is completely different than regular English. She helped me out a lot in the sense of making adult invoices the confidence and so knowing that my determination and effort wasn’t going wasted.

spk_3:   1:4:13
Your first job.

spk_1:   1:4:15
This is funny yet no Elise Cafe in the CD in the Central District. The first day I worked at work 13 hours because I told I wanted a job so bad now was 16 because it was right before I met you guys. I told him I was like, I don’t need to job so bad. I’ll work the first day for free

spk_3:   1:4:33
like you don’t really like to pay. Like just let me

spk_1:   1:4:36
show you that I know how to work and I could do the job. And so I worked 13 hours the first day, and then I worked there, probably like another three or four weeks, and then I quit the job because I was on probation, Mind you, and the Juvenile Hall was right around the corner, so I was not trying to go back to do be, But I saw him letting underage people drink alcohol, and I was like, I don’t want to be any part of that, you know, because I was there cleaning up and doing the job. And so I quit. And then that was when it took me eight months from that jaw of until getting the job dicks driving your guys prayers. Help me get that job

spk_3:   1:5:17
at Dixon. Your favorite childhood memory,

spk_1:   1:5:20
I would say arching crafts and baking with my any show. I’ve loved doing those things and playing Monopoly with my dad and my uncles. And of course, you know who always one me? Yeah, the end, the game. It’s

spk_3:   1:5:36
like where all the money go. Oh, Tanya

spk_1:   1:5:39
has it in her lap.

spk_3:   1:5:40
You just legit smart winter.

spk_1:   1:5:43
I was actually I was really good. A husband on Monopoly. I think that’s baby what it started artist. And then going fishing with my dad and helping my dad work on cars, just building random stuff and learning that. And it’s always like I don’t know. Those kinds of things have always made me take God gave me those gifts

spk_3:   1:6:04
And don’t you do construction nowadays? I do. So tell me about that. I want to hear about this. When I called yesterday, you’re like, Oh, Let me go wash my hands. I’m like, in the middle of a cement truck. Like what? I love it. Yeah. No,

spk_1:   1:6:20
actually, when I called you, I was hanging from my horn. Is Yeah, uh, it had things by four wheels on this track pack, and it carries concrete around the plant. And then the concrete dumps into the the beds we do. It’s, ah, pre stress pre cast concrete plants. So we build like parking garages, medical centers, schools, jail cells, anything you can make out a concrete we make. I fixed the broken stuff. I work on the mixer, the concrete mixer. I work on the conveyor belts and keeping things. I do a lot of things with a shovel and a harness.

spk_3:   1:7:04
I bet you’re so strong. I don’t think I wanna arm wrestle you. Uh, I

spk_1:   1:7:09
say this in the summer time. It keeps me very fit and very hydrated.

spk_3:   1:7:15
Any pet peeves?

spk_1:   1:7:17
I cannot stand a clock that ticks if it has the battery in the back of it. I got speaking out like, if I’m trying to read, sometimes I even have to turn the fish tank off the filter to the fish. tank. I just got Internet. I don’t know why. I mean, it’s like my a d d. Sometimes I can hear a flight part like That’s how bad

spk_3:   1:7:36
it gets. Other one is people who

spk_1:   1:7:39
don’t use blinkers like the manufacture extra installed the blinkers in your car because you’re supposed to use them. Yes, knowledge. So there’s just supposed to be a pretty light on the side or the corners of your car. No, you’re supposed to use them. I guess this is probably, like all women’s, you know, rule. They drives them crazy is the toll of paper roll. I can’t know. Stand it. When the dollar paper roll is going under, it has to go over.

spk_3:   1:8:04
It has to go over. It has to have sufficient even be a question, right? There’s no debate. Don using it. If you’re the last one to finish the role put on anyone, don’t set it on top of the role. Just take off the whole one and put on a new one. Seriously, Hard extra step. All

spk_1:   1:8:23
Wow, that one. And, um, I’m kind of a little Oh CD, which is kind of like a little pet peeve is I cannot booking a package of Skittles. Mind you, I don’t really eat skills very often anymore because you know, learning about all the chemicals that are in him and everything. But I do splurge sometimes, but I have to eat my Skittles in groups. It’s kind of like a little O. C D. I gotta like, take all the colors and put him in groups. And then whatever pile has the least amount. Then I eat all those extra ones like but only by the flavor. I’ll eat extra ones. And then the lowest number say there was seven in the lowest pile. Then I open him, like in the Rainbow Order of Red, Orange, Yellow, purple And then I will eat them one at a time and I don’t know, get the full the full fledged flavor of each flavor of

spk_3:   1:9:16
so little. I don’t know. It’s like I don’t know where I picked it up. I venture anti show would be so proud. I actually used to do that with the chick lits. Remember those little Paxil check? Let’s go. But I was a kid, and I would sit there and separate those little tiny squares into all the separate colors. And I’m like, Ooh, this sounds familiar. Most embarrassing moment

spk_1:   1:9:37
When I was in fifth grade, I was trying to, you know, do the whole girl thing. Like, I remember getting like a little girl it for my birthday, and I decided to put on lipstick. It was the last days school. My any shell had just got married. So I wore the flower girl dress that I worked her wedding and put on lipstick and went to school. It was I was, what, 11 exiles in fifth grade, and I did not know about the whole lipstick thing on your teeth, right?

spk_3:   1:10:10
I know this kid. This little boy comes up to me going time. You can’t lipstick on her T tiny quantities. And I was

spk_1:   1:10:18
so embarrassed. I just wanted to run and hide

spk_3:   1:10:21
least favorite chore

spk_1:   1:10:23
laundry and dishes. It’s never ending

spk_3:   1:10:26
never and never ending, especially with a little two year old son who’s who’s all boy. Oh

spk_1:   1:10:32
yes, all boy, shout in an aerosol can. A mom told me that, and I I’ve been following it ever since, and there is pretty much I don’t think there’s anything that it doesn’t get out. I might have to watch it twice with it, but it gets it out. No matter what

spk_3:   1:10:48
a superpower you wish you had.

spk_1:   1:10:50
I wish that I was like, I dream of genie and just go thing. And it was done.

spk_3:   1:10:56
Your favorite you time activity,

spk_1:   1:10:58
art, gardening and building things. Or like working on anything that’s like mechanical or that kind of thing. But when it comes to the art, I love to module podge. But while I was in jail, I learned a different technique about monster podge. Now they don’t give you glue in jail, but they give you this clear toothpaste. Police in Jackson County, Mississippi. They give you this clear to face that you can’t even brush your teeth with because it makes your mouth please. But it’s better hair gel and glue than it is to pay. I give the wash your clothes in it. It’ll get your clothes cleaner than it will your mouth like. It’s just weird. So I would use it for art and I would get all the magazines. But, you know, they don’t give you scissors in jail. So you learn. Teoh literally cut out things with your fingers like my pressing pressing the paper did together and everything like that. And so I do Ma Gia project collages. I love abstract or so I like to make old things new.

spk_3:   1:12:01
Does Hezekiah I like to get in on the action? Does he like to try and do a little bit of arts and crafts with Mama?

spk_1:   1:12:06
Oh, yeah, but he makes ah hotness.

spk_3:   1:12:09
So he’s getting

spk_1:   1:12:11
better. The gardening. I love the fact that I can actually, like, not kill a plant. Now

spk_3:   1:12:17
you’re go to quick Meal.

spk_1:   1:12:19
I’ve always loved a chocolate dipped cone at Dairy Queen, but that’s like my one of my favorite

spk_3:   1:12:25
Mike loves of McDonald’s def codes. That’s his favorite treat. Oh, McDonald’s has a dip counter. Stately. Well, okay, now I’m sad. I introduced that to get and keep on your doctor. I

spk_1:   1:12:38
always like to keep fresh vegetables and fruit and nuts. A and my son. We both love vegetables. We can eat them fresh, like I eat bell peppers like apples, and I love celery, different peanut butter and almond butter. And he asked me what my one of my favorite meals are is I of steak and taters.

spk_3:   1:13:01
day containers. Tell me about your business. And what is the biggest health lie that people believe

spk_1:   1:13:09
easily to explain? It is key tones versus glucose. Normally us is. Americans have been programmed to understand that glucose well, and it’s a true fact that glucose is what gives us energy in our brain and our mood and everything like that. We burn carbs for energy, but my business, I mean, I sell key tones and I drink key tones, and I’m just starting out. But there’s so many more things that I’m learning every day and about just my body and in health in general. And I mean, it’s crazy to know how Maney benefits key tones are for your body, and our body actually produces key tones. And, um, and the key tones in our brain help us with our mood and, um, and, um, regulating our glucose levels in our, you know, our sugar content and insulin and everything. Anything, I would say. The biggest lie that people believe, I guess is we can eat whatever we want a zoo long as we portion it. But that’s not really the case because you can eat it. But you still, you know, there’s underlining things like the chemicals that are in the food. How was it actually prepared and that kind of thing? And some of these people come out with all these really extreme diets and everything like that. And, yeah, they, I mean, some of them work. But the thing is, is it realistic? Can you do this for the rest of your life? Can you have this be a lifestyle change, or is this only, like a quarterly fashionable? Let me get off the weight so I’ll be ready for summer kind of thing. That’s a great phone. But is anybody listening? Would like to know more about key tones or the, you know, the Kino conversation or ketosis. Meg. You can definitely put my link on there, and they can

spk_3:   1:15:04
for sure.

spk_1:   1:15:04
And I simply ask questions or whatever

spk_3:   1:15:06
definitely well, what are the three best things you have learned about health?

spk_1:   1:15:10
He tones and how beneficial they are to the body and the brain. Intermittent fasting. So I only eat from like, 11 in the morning and eight oclock at night buses. Americans don’t really know what a portion is. I think that we have to have, like, this huge plate and eat it all at once. Intermittent fasting helps your body to break down. Actually, what you eat and kind of like get her organs a break learning about what carbs are in at in sugar and how our body breaks them down. And that kind of stuff and, ah, how beneficial essential oils are for our bodies and our minds and mood and all that kind of stuff.

spk_3:   1:15:49
The best parenting advice. You ever got

spk_1:   1:15:52
a time for myself? Because if I don’t do that, then I’m not gonna be able to be the best mom for my son. And the other advice I got was raised my child up in the Lord.

spk_3:   1:16:03
Is there another ministry that your passion about or would want to start

spk_1:   1:16:08
Kairos, Which is? I explained earlier that I’ve been involved in and I’ve always wanted to write a book or a Siri’s or something like that to help women girls come to the Lord and, um, just being an open book to as many people as possible and as the Lord allows, I’ve always had a heart for the homeless. Deep be victims, which is domestic violence victims, human trafficking and felons and foster care. You know, basically all the things that God has allowed me to go through in my life. I’ve always wanted to be involved in those kinds of areas. Somehow, some way.

spk_3:   1:16:42
What would you like to say to teens on the street or dancers,

spk_1:   1:16:47
No matter how broken or shattered your heart or your life is God will put it back together. And he loves all of you, Not just what people see on the outside. He loves all of you inside and out. And he made you for a purpose. Let him love on you and fix your fix your Brokenness because he can.

spk_3:   1:17:10
Well, Tony, And that’s kind of gets me of who? That was really beautifully said. What would you say to younger Tanya?

spk_1:   1:17:18
I would say one day God is going to use you in a mighty way. Just hold on. Oh, you know, because I wouldn’t I wouldn’t take it back. I wouldn’t take back anything. And it’s so funny for me, toe, if you know me Now you know you go. Okay. Well, that’s probably why she’s like that. Or that’s how she got that way or I’ve taken the drive from in the wrong way and now turned it around for the good way. So all those things helped mold me for where I met. Now,

spk_3:   1:17:46
yes. What was not helpful to you when you were going through all that?

spk_1:   1:17:52
Me not accepting help from people and running away from my problems, which in turn created more problems or, you know, made my addiction worse or I got in more trouble or whatever. There was a few people along the way that that we’re trying to help me. Or it would at least you know, try to talk to me. And that kind of thing is just I didn’t know how to accept the help, or I just didn’t want to work through the problem. I just wanted to continue to run because it was easy thing to do. Of course, you get those few that air. Oh, she ain’t nothing but a problem child. Don’t waste your time going through the foster care system like they were like she’s just a lost cause. She never going to get it together. She’s not going to stop running away and that they were like she put that on herself because they got to the point where nobody wanted me anymore. The state was having a problem trying to put me somewhere, but that required to put me somewhere. The system probably failed me a few times in the sense of not being helpful.

spk_3:   1:18:52
You said earlier that that your healing has been kind of like an onion and God peeling back layers. Could you talk about that a little more Because you’ve been through so much. And also are you able to just say, you know what? The past is the past and I’m a new creation in Christ and I’m on. I’m on a new footing and new ground now.

spk_1:   1:19:12
Yeah, that’s I mean, that’s how God has been telling with me lately. I mean, I’m I mean, just sitting here, talking to you is helping me get through another layer of the onion. The more you talk about it, the easier it is. Teoh, get through it. I mean, it’s a healing process, and you can say that you forgive somebody or you’ve forgiven yourself, but you have to. Forgiveness is, he is an ongoing process. It doesn’t just happen overnight and depending on how extremely hurt the more layers it has, depending on how deep you buried it, what it might have more layers than something else that might be a little bit closer to the surface.

spk_3:   1:19:50
Any of the people that treated you very badly, wherever kind of brought to justice. You talk about Marcus, and that’s just so horrific and awful. And then, you know, of course, the rate But Or if it even needs to be said, What do you think?

spk_1:   1:20:06
Well, I know with markets he ended up getting like, seven other charges and he’s still in jail now, so I don’t know when he’ll get out. We might run into his mouth and, you know, get a few less years or whatever, but I don’t know about his situation, but I just keep it in the back of my mind that everybody has to taken account on Judgment Day. You know what I mean? And so whether or not they get, you know, pay the price now, they’ll pay the price eternally. So, um, so that’s not really my concern, You know, I’m not. I’m learning. The older I get, the more I have to not want revenge, you know, and carrying around resentment. I mean, that’s that’s part of my layer of onion that I’m working with now is is that, you know, I have, ah, difficult, boss. And you know how carrying around resentment. You know it. You know, you released adrenaline in your body. You know, it’s the fight or flight mode, and I’ve been on fighter flight most of my life, and, you know, and that causes stress. And so I’m just trying toe get away from stress and that kind of thing and, you know, not wanting to be, you know, in that mode of fighter flight anymore, or, you know, unforgiveness or, you know, I’ve never really been one to hold a grudge, You know what I mean? I’ve always been kind of, you know, forgiving and, you know, seeing the silver lining in situations. But, you know, I mean, I guess that’s all. I really got to stay on that. I mean, I heard tonight I mean, all my mom, my my birth mom is you know, she’s being a better grandma than she was a mother. And so, um, I mean, give her credit for that. You know, my dad would come back around. I mean, we talk now and stuff, and I have a little I have a little brother and everything like that and and, um, and stuff. But, you know, there’s been some some hurt and everything, but I don’t know my Jags working through it. He’s getting better. So I just got to keep prayer. Pain form that God’s light is brighter than the darkness in his life. And so, um, the light always shine through the darkness. You just got to keep praying for it. So it was kind of where I’ve been at with my dad, but who come around. He knows the Lord. He really does know the Lord. He revealed that to me not too long ago. And stuff he just doesn’t know how to get out of his own head. Yeah, and I get and I get it. I’m a lot like my dad, so I get it. It’s hard.

spk_3:   1:22:53
Say one thing you love about your mom and one thing you love about your dad,

spk_1:   1:22:57
I would say one thing I love about my mom is that he’s kind of quirky, and she knows she’s a little goofy, but she means well, but I think I got some of my artistic side from her like she loves. She loves photography and stuff like that. And I love that from her. She loves to go camping, and so I think I get the outdoorsy stuff from her. She loves to camp and hike and, you know, be on the beach and, you know, climb mountains and stuff like that. So I think I love about my dad. But if something is broke, he will find a way to fix it. And there’s there is no he used to always tell me growing up and say, There’s the wheel, There’s the way, kiddo and and I never forgot that, you know? And I think that’s why I have that trait of determination. If I got the energy to do it, to try to figure it out well, why not figure it out? And it’s helped me in a lot of different areas in life, and he’s smart and funny, and he’s been on a heart of gold.

spk_3:   1:23:57
Tell me what you love about Hezekiah

spk_1:   1:24:00
and love his laugh. It is the best noise ever. I want to make him a builder bear that has his laugh in it because it is so adorable. I don’t ever want to forget what that noise sounds like, and he is so still A and E takes through drivers and he’ll go around the house and he will be like, I fix it. I fix

spk_3:   1:24:20
till it’s OK. He’s

spk_1:   1:24:22
always trying to fix stuff like Mama and Daddy, and it is so funny. And I just love watching him learn and progress and seeing him with parts of me in him and parts of his dad in him, knowing where he gets those traits from my goal. That’s That’s your daddy,

spk_3:   1:24:39
you know? Well, that’s me. You know,

spk_1:   1:24:43
Some days I go, God’s not gave me him as a gift like, Oh my gosh, I’m a mom like I always wanted to be a mom, and now I’m a mom, and it’s like, thank you, God, for giving me him and and all you can do just be like, wow,

spk_3:   1:24:58
pretty awesome. I’m loving your mom, too. Do you have any besties?

spk_1:   1:25:03
Yeah, my friend Christy praying for her. She’s she’s ill right now. She’s, um, she’s got some health issues. Um, liver and kidney failure. And she has Lupus, so a little bit of a struggle. Right now, she’s in the hospital, but she is smart and she is hilarious. She calls herself I’m from the backwoods Georgia. She’s from Baxley, Georgia, and she is full on country I’m talking about. She’ll wear sweat pants and cowboy boots and and nine gair, and

spk_3:   1:25:38
it’s just like, What are you doing? Oh, that’s great

spk_1:   1:25:42
lover. And she is hilarious. And then my friend Amanda, that I know back from Seattle she has got black, the biggest heart she will give until it hurts. And she’s been through the struggle like me and stuff. She always sees the good in people. And she’s also my God daughter’s mom. So my friend Shawna, she’s also the mom to my other god daughter Shelia. And she’s got a drive in a fight like me. Like we are three days apart in birthdays like she’s January 6 and I’m January night. So our personalities air really close together. Yes, sometimes we kind of class a little bit, but that’s also where we know we cannot talk to each other for like, six months to a year, and we’ll pick right back up where we left off. It would be like we never like to stop talking to each other. Jennifer, my, my this friend Jennifer. She shoots me straight and she tells me the truth. She’s just on her passion for babies. She loves babies. She’s one of those, like her heart melts for babies, smells to me with Jessica and open me, understand what he does and helping me kind of make good decisions for him and that kind of thing and gives me the outlook on life and that aspect of mommy hood and stuff. She’s got three kids yourself. So

spk_3:   1:27:00
you said you had a really interesting baptism. What did that look like

spk_1:   1:27:05
when I was in jail The last time When I said that, uh, gone had put me in jail a week later, I, uh, was in jail and was coming to meet the Lord and going doing a whole bunch of Bible studies and everything and trying to get my life back together and everything and one of the ladies came in was like, You want to get baptized? And I was like, Yeah, I was like, Yeah, I’m going to do it It was so weird. It was a reason cold outside. Talking about it was like I mean, this isn’t freezing cold for Seattle, but this is freezing cold for Mrs it. It’s like 40 something degrees outside, maybe 50 maybe 50 degrees outside. And I’m thinking to myself, Oh, my gosh, they won’t me to get in this horse trough

spk_3:   1:27:50
in the courtyard. It’s like 50 degrees

spk_1:   1:27:53
outside. I’m like, Okay, Lord, I’m gonna do it for you. You know what I need? And so I get in it and then I get in the water, and when I come out, it was unbelievable. It was like, You know how the word talks about the Holy Spirit being like a consuming fire like I experienced. It was weird. It was freezing cold outside. And mind you, that water was freezing. But when I got out of that water, I was hot. Wow. Any It was like, Whoa, and you know, it was it was, um, a visual of the spirit, You know, the warmth, the comfort, you know, of the spirit and, you know, and so doing that out of obedience. He honored that, and I got the spirit field of course you get when you’re saved. But it was like a whole nother level of experiencing the Holy Spirit and coming out of the water like that. I was like

spk_3:   1:28:48
a away. I’m not even cold. I was like telling that

spk_1:   1:28:51
to the other girls. There was, like, three other girls that went

spk_3:   1:28:53
out there with me, and I was like, Oh, my God, I’m not even Cole. I don’t even need a towel. I’m good to go. It was like the oil

spk_1:   1:29:00
or me and everything that I was like. I got to tell you about that because it was so funny. It was just a weird experience.

spk_3:   1:29:07
The way the light’s hitting your face right now, as I look atyou, it’s like this is like the Lord smiling on you and all the right ahead. What is your favorite book of the Bible and why

spk_1:   1:29:18
I can’t take a favorite book. But I would have to say like my go twos are Psalms, proverbs and all of the aeons, like anything with the E and at the end, you Galatians Kalash in, you know, Thessalonians and all that. And I mean there’s just so many promises in them and God’s reassurance that he gives us and all of the lies, the life applications that they have, like what to do, what not to do hadn’t conduct yourself and hard times. And for us to not forget who we are in Christ, one of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 91 verse for and it’s He will Cover You with his feathers. He will shots Are you with his wings? His faithful promises are your armor and protection, and my license plate on my car is actually Psalms. It says Psalm 91 the umbrella of protection And that’s that’s my favorite chapter in the whole Bible is song. Anyone? That’s I love that. I mean, it hits everything.

spk_3:   1:30:24
Which character or person in the Bible do you most admire or relate to?

spk_1:   1:30:29
That’s funny. I mean, it’s more than one David, because especially from where I’m going in my life now is experiencing animosity so strong and having a fight with the God fight, not giving up hope and asking God Teoh fulfill his promises. He says he’s gonna fight for me. He says he’s faithful to his promises. God doesn’t say to tempt him, but he says, You know, hold him accountable. You say God, you’re going to do this to do it And he will. He does. He’s faithful to his promises. I would say I relate today, but also because David was one of the biggest screwups in the Bible. But he also was a man after God’s own heart. And hopefully we’re talking about his If I a hopefully has a Chi couldn’t see that one day that yeah, Mommy did a lot of messing up. But I love the Lord, and I know that the Lord has saved me from a whole bunch who has been forgiven. Much is required as much. And so I try to remember that the other person would be Paul, no matter how far you’ve gone or how extreme Lee, far away from God, Paul was he was killing Christians, you know. But then, in the end, he’s written most of the New Testament and look where Christ brought him from. God revealed himself to Paul and Paul, received it and then ran with it. And so I strive to be like call be persistent in the race, not

spk_2:   1:32:01
give up, and just he wanted to go forward links from our guests will be in the show notes. For more everyday extraordinary faith stories, go to our website letters from home podcast dot com and click subscriber Follow whatever platform you’re listening to. Second Corinthians 33 and you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, right? And not with ink, but with the spirit of the living god. No, on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts.